


Anything Like This

by PneumaticDragon



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arguing, Awkward Cullen, Awkward Flirting, Desk Sex, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, POV Cullen Rutherford, POV Inquisitor, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-07-25 22:05:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 32,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16206599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PneumaticDragon/pseuds/PneumaticDragon
Summary: Scarlett Trevelyan doesn't need anyone. She's the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, performs miracle after miracle every day, why would she? The nightmares from her past are breaking her, but how can she tell anyone? The only person she wants to tell wouldn't want to listen to the ramblings of a mage anyway.Commander Cullen does need someone but is too afraid to ask. But would she even care? What mage in their right mind wants to bother themselves with a former Templar? One going through lyrium withdrawal and can barely sleep through a night? Not her, she has enough on her shoulders.(New chapters come irregularly but expect me to update on weekends)





	1. First Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the drawing of Scarlett------->http://fav.me/dcxlyfr

"Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift? Well done." Cullen said, but was confused to hear the seeker sigh and turn to reveal a mage, staring at her hand as it pulsed with a bright green glow. "Do not congratulate me, commander. This is the prisoner's doing."  
The prisoner? The one he's heard so much about? This is her.

She turned to face him for the first time as he spoke,  
"Is it? I hope they're right about you. We've lost a lot of people getting you here."  
"You're not the only one hoping that," she smirked, and Cullen was surprised to see such wit in these troubled times.  
"We'll see soon enough won't we?"

____________________

"The way to the temple should be clear. Leliana will try to meet you there."

"Then we'd best move quickly. Give us time, Commander." 

"Maker watch over you-- for all our sakes."

Scarlett Trevelyan looked on as the commander left, aiding a wounded soldier who was limping and clutching his side.  
Damn, his ass isn't half bad, she thought, and immediately felt that wasn't the best thing to be thinking of right now. He was pretty good-looking though.  
If she lived through this and wasn't executed, maybe they'd cross paths again? To her, that would be very nice.

They did indeed cross paths again, first at the war room when she was first introduced to the impressive bunch of titles,

"You've met commander Cullen. Leader of the Inquisition's forces."

"It was only for a moment on the field. I'm pleased you survived," he said.

Pleased? Well, that was good then.

As she observed him during her first few full days in Haven, Scarlett drew some obvious conclusions. The commander was certainly a sight to behold, a cautious, typical military man by the look of it, an ex-templar too, she later learned. That part wasn't surprising though. The way she saw him train the soldiers on the grounds was all the proof she needed.  
She decided to finally approach this man after he finished barking a few orders. He smiled when he saw her approach,  
"We've received a number of recruits-- Locals from Haven and some pilgrims. None made quite the entrance you did."

Scarlett smirked, feeling satisfied with herself. Of course it was certainly an entrance.

"At least I got everyone's attention."

"I was recruited into the inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising-- I saw first hand the devastation it caused,"  
he began to explain as they strolled toward the other end of the training grounds. A messenger handed him a slip of parchment and he began to examine it as they went, but Cullen kept on talking as if he paid no mind,  
"Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse."

No shit Scarlett thought.

"The Conclave destroyed, a giant hole in the sky-- things aren't looking good."

"Which is why we're needed," Cullen then began to give her what started out being quite a speech,  
"The Chantry lost control of both templars and mages. Now they argue over a new divine while the breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry could not. Our followers would be part of that. There's so much we can-" 

He paused, rubbing the back of his head, "Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture."

Scarlett however, found it adorably endearing how passionate he was about all this. The Inquisition must mean a lot to him. So maybe she can lift his spirits, be a little flirty with him. Why not?

"No, but if you have one prepared I'd love to hear it."

He chuckled, "Another time perhaps."

Scarlett expected another response, but nothing was coming forth, so she simply smiled at him before her eyes went to the scar on his lip. Damn, that part of him was pretty sexy too.

"I-ah..." Cullen cleared his throat. Aw, being shy now, is he? That's rather adorable.

"There's still a lot of work ahead."

"Commander, Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines," a soldier but in.

Cullen smirked as he turned from her, moving on to get this report. Scarlett couldn't deny how hot that little movement was. Dammit, she can't be distracted so much by this person-- she's got work to do!

____________________

The Herald of Andraste was an enigma to Cullen. Scarlett Trevelyan always seemed so sure and so smug for every little thing she did. Everywhere she walked she act liked she owned it, and left a permanent mark. Her being a mage didn't frighten him as much as he thought it would, partially because he saw she was a decent person at the least. She was confident and unafraid of her magical abilities, but didn't boast, and cared for others needs just as much as her own. It was the little things, helping someone pick up things they dropped or held the door open. Varric told him one day he should pop by the tavern when she's there because of how fun she is when she's with her friends, drinking and flirting with pretty boys.  
Cullen decided he would possibly consider it... carefully.

Speaking of flirting, Cullen would also overhear the chantry sisters and female recruits gossip in hushed whispers about her-- how she was almost too pretty to be in her situation, that she looked more like a whore, rather than a symbol of the faithful. He didn't agree with them though. Sure she was a beautiful woman, fair skin, violet eyes, hair as red as an apple, but if she was a whore, she'd already have been slandered and chastised by every chantry member at Haven, chancellor Rodrick especially. 

Cullen was thinking about these things as she approached him one day she returned from the hinterlands.

"Herald," he greeted, sounding a bit colder than meant.

"I've been meaning to ask you something, though I think I know the answer, I just want to be sure."

"Of course," he tried to make those words more light in tone.

She tousled her mid-length locks, revealing a long scar on the side of her face, just past her brow. Then she asked,  
"Am I of any trouble to you? Being a mage and all, I know the Herald of Andraste being a mage probably isn't your best thought."

Cullen expected this would come up. Luckily, he had a response ready for her,  
"No- not at all. I'll admit, I've treated mages with distrust, at times without cause, but that was unworthy of me. I'm trying not to do so here, starting with you, most importantly."

"Thank you..." she seemed at a loss for words.

"I-I think that may be the nicest thing a templar's ever said to me."

"I'm not a templar anymore, my lady." 

"Let me take what I can get."

Cullen beamed, before turning his attention to a recruit who just fell on his bottom due to a blow from a shield. He barked an order before tuning back to Scarlett, stumbling upon the awkward silence that had formed. He tried to change the subject,  
"You traveled some distance to reach Haven. You're from the Circle in Otswick?"

"I was. It's exciting-- being away from that life, being somewhere new. Maybe that's selfish, given what's happened."

"Cullen didn't agree. Take what good things you can from times like these.

"No it's... only fair, I suppose. We are grateful for your assistance," he said because knew he certainly was. 

He doesn't know how, but they then got into talking about the templars-- his life as a templar specifically.  
Cullen found he enjoyed simply talking to the Herald. Perhaps she was just easy to talk to.

"The knight-captain spoke to my parents on my behalf. They agreed to send me for training. I was thirteen when I left home."  
"Thirteen? That's only year after I was forced into the circle."

"Then I suppose we both know what leaving home feels like at that age."

Scarlett quickly countered up, "I wasn't then sorry to leave home, not necessarily."

"Why not? You are noble. Didn't you have family?"

"Just my father. My mother died when I was very young."

"Oh... I-I didn't realize. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I was only five when she... went. I don't have very many memories of her."

Cullen thought it'd be normal to mention his parents were gone as well, but the Herald seemed tense and quickly changed the subject.  
"So, what about your templar vows? You had sworn to watch all mages blah blah blah."

"I did, but I'm no longer bound by them."

"I had heard rumors among the templars in Ostwick. I couldn't casually talk to them about it so I had assumed it was all blasphemy, but don't you also take vows of... celibacy?"

Cullen nearly choked on nothing from that question.

"Celib- why..." he cleared his throat before he would indeed end up coughing, "Why would you..."

Maker's breath, was she trying to flirt... with him???

"That's not expected. Templars can marry-- a-although there are rules around it, and the Order must grant permission. Some may choose more to prove their devotion, but it's, um, not required."

She pouted her lip and asked while cocking a brow,

"Have you?" 

"Me? I... um... no, I've taken no such vows."

He felt out of breath, as if he were in the aftermath of a heated battle. What in Andraste's name was happening?

"Maker's breath-- can we speak of something else?"

The Herald took a few steps back, looking mildly pleased with herself.

"That's... all I wanted to know. Thank you," she said before making her way to the gate.

Cullen couldn't help but watch as she left as she gave a small gesture to Bull for whatever reason.  
She was most definitely smug, yet Cullen found that fact quite attractive. She was beautiful witty, intelligent, and oh maker what was he saying?  
He cannot be developing a crush on this mage, the Herald of Andraste? That could be bad. Very bad.


	2. There's Something About Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric notices a certain... connection between the commander and the herald

When Scarlett Trevelyan first met the commander, she thought she'd read him like a book. A typical military man, intelligent and cautious, but very cut-and-dried. He was fun to flirt with too, with how flustered he would get. She was surprised at his reaction though. It was like he'd never been flirted with before! As she talked to him and got to know him better like she did the other day, she felt there was something else about him. Scarlett couldn't pinpoint it directly, but something inside her was trying to tell her something whenever she'd spot him around Haven or at the war table. It wasn't because she was a mage with a ex-templar turned commander, she already learned, so there was no telling what that little feeling could be.

The night before she and her party were to leave for the hinterlands again, Scarlett was drinking at the tavern, as usual. She sat alone at a table, keg in hand before Varric approached her and took an empty seat. 

"So I have some nickname options for you. Usually, I don't let people pick, but this time, I'll make an exception."

They were talking about this about a week ago. Scarlett noticed Varric called Cassandra 'Seeker', Solas 'Chuckles' and Iron Bull 'Tiny' ironically. She asked Varric if he'd give her one, and he said he'd think about it. She honestly thought he'd forgotten about it.

"You can choose from these three names: Lioness, Red Velvet or Freckles."

Scarlett thought about it,  
"I get the other two, but why is lioness an option?"

Varric shook his head, "Tsk tsk tsk, I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"...reasons."

"Well, now I'm too curious." 

The server came by with a drink and placed it in Varric's hand 

"Is it because I'm powerful? Frightening?"

"Uh... sure, yeah that's it," he said before nearly shoving half his face into the keg.

"You're lying but whatever. I'll go with..."

Scarlett thought about the things her friends called her in the circle. Most of the boys called her 'red' and some of her close friends called her 'freckles' when they wanted to tease her a bit. Lioness though. Out of every powerful animal there was why would Varric go with a lioness in particular?  
Is it beca- wait a second...  
Scarlett went to bring a message to the commander last night in his quarters. What did she discover there?

He had a fucking lion helmet to complete his set of armor he wore every damn day.

Thank the Maker he never wore it. Varric must've seen the realization in her face because he began to laugh as he sipped his drink.

"You're a little shit, Varric. Could you imagine the look on his face if you called me that right in front of him?"  
He was laughing much harder now, nearly out of his chair at this point, and Scarlett couldn't help but giggle along.

"C'mon that'd be a nice nickname for you, we know he's interested in you at the very least."

"Is that right?"

"Have you seen the way he looks at you sometimes?"

Scarlett didn't think he'd stare because he was interested, for other reasons maybe. Nice ass, nice chest, all that rubbish.

"I also wouldn't be shocked if Bull did the same, which he does, actually. I've seen him."

Varric shrugged his shoulders, "Alright, be a pessimist. Go find Cassandra and complain, but I think deep down you believe me, Lioness."

Oh great now she'd never be able to choose.

"No, don't start."

"Too late, I've decided. When you're happy, maybe I'll call you 'Freckles', if not, 'Lioness' it is."

Varric then proceeded to grab his keg before leaving the tavern, giving Scarlett a smug wink as he went through the door into the cold.  
Well, shit. Now she had to make the effort to keep her and Varric's conversations as far away from the commander as possible.  
As she thought this, Scarlett felt strange.  
She'd never even thought about making an effort for something like this before, even if it was for something so insignificant.  
She never cared what people thought about her, men specifically she couldn't give two shits if they saw her with her pants down, but Cullen was different.

Cullen... not commander? 

Sweet Andraste this man's already taken a hold of her.


	3. The Iron Bull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commander visits the tavern one evening, stupidly, and witnesses something that makes his blood boil.

Cullen didn't really want to go to the tavern that day, but Varric somehow managed to talk him into it.  
Besides, he hadn't had alcohol in what seemed like ages. Maybe it'd take a bit of the edge off of the stress of his work.  
How horribly wrong he was.

When he first walked in, it made him remember why he hardly ever went to the tavern in the first place.  
Sera was on a table, yelling about Maker-knows-what, giving him an immediate headache. He never understood a word she said anyway. Bull's chargers were nearly about to knock another table over, but oddly enough, Cullen didn't see the charger's leader anywhere.  
Varric sent him off and went to join Sera at her end of the tavern, hopefully to calm her down.  
He spotted Josephine and Leliana sitting at the other end of the tavern and made his way to what seemed like the only group with half their mind still intact. 

"Ladies," he greeted.

"Good evening, Commander," said Josephine.  
Both women had kegs sitting in front of him, prompting him to order one for himself to fit in.

"I didn't think you drank," Leliana commented.

"I indulge every now and then."

After he spoke, Cullen saw out of the corner of his eye the Herald approach the bar, Iron Bull following close behind, his steps a bit off. He couldn't hear their conversation, but the Herald seemed a bit short-tempered. 

"Can you hear what they're saying, Leliana? The Herald and Iron Bull, I mean," Cullen asked.

She looked over and tried to study the scene, "No, I can't... not clearly."

Then, Varric motioned the Herald over to where he was. She walked over, drink in hand with Bull still following.

"I was gonna ask you something, but I think this guy's trying to get something from you," said Varric.

"Just ignore him. He's drunk and doesn't know a hint from a rage demon."

Bull laughed,  
"Rage demons are reeeed, boss. You know what else is red?" 

He slouched himself over a table, nearly falling on her.  
Varric just chuckled.

She took a sip of her drink and answered, tone laced with heavy sarcasm, "I have no clue, apples?" 

"Your head. Did I tell you that I loooove redheads."

"Did I tell you to let me drink in peace, please?"

"Boss, I've seen the looks. You can't say you haven't flirted; you flirt with everyone."

"It's called being friendly, and funny, depending."

"It's called teasing."

"Only when I want it to be. And I'm sure as hell not wanting to tease you."

"You say that now, but give it a couple weeks and you will be begging to ride the bull."

Bull then wrapped his massive arm around her waist, trying to pull her closer to him, but the Herald, not as drunk and not that dumb, whipped around and grabbed the arm firmly. There was a small sizzling noise from where they connected and Bull yanked himself away as he winced. The muscles of his forearm had a mild burn in the shape of a handprint. 

The Herald stepped away as she threatened, "Touch me without my permission again and you're dead," before storming out the door and in the snow, alcohol in hand, drinking much faster.  
That whole scene made Cullen's blood boil. He didn't understand men who couldn't see rejection when it was so clearly in their face.  
He gave the Qunari some leeway because he was drunk, but that could only go so far, if hardly at all.

Meanwhile, said Qunari was shaking his head while Varric was looking slightly terrified by it all.

"And now you know not to seduce her while drunk." he couldn't help but laugh as he spoke.

The words fell out of Cullen's mouth before he could process them,  
"Sounds like she doesn't want you to seduce her at all."

Varric took notice of his mildly annoyed tone, "Jealous, are we, Curly?"

Bull came up to his table and leaned on it.

"She'll come around, and I'm willing to wait. No redhead as sexy as her is gonna resist for too long."

Leliana chimed in, "But she isn't a typical tavern wench, she'd surely be much better at resisting."

"Bet she's never done a Qunari though, I'd be a good first for her, and she knows. That and I've never done it with a mage before. That would be fun."  
Bull downed another gulp of his drink,

"Mhmm, redheads!"

Soon after, Krem came by and dragged Bull away from the group to join his charger's.  
Cullen suddenly wanted to drink even more than before. He was a little angry, he'd admit that, but why he couldn't say. he wasn't jealous as Varric had teased. He could care less if Bull... did anything with the Herald. Of course, he wouldn't advise it if that did happen, but her decisions weren't his, obviously. 

He was still angry, but he wasn't jealous.

He couldn't be, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I reread this chapter, I noticed it sounded a little rapey, and I know this isn't an excuse, but keep in mind Bull was drunk. The situation will be addressed in the next chapter for sure.


	4. The Seeker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett usually can't help but notice and tease the attractive people she meets in Haven. Today, the attractive one happens to be Seeker Pentaghast.

Scarlett woke up the next morning with a not-so-terrible mild hangover, but she had hoped the three drinks she had last night would help her forget about Bull harassing her. Of course, no it didn't. She wanted to believe he acted how he did because he was drunk, and that those types of shitty ordeals wouldn't become the norm.  
And she was in luck.  
As she was heading toward the gates to speak with Cassandra, Iron Bull stopped her in her tracks.

"Hey, boss. Got a second?"

She still wasn't exactly pleased with him though,  
"This better be good. I'm not-"

"I know, I know. I fucked up last night, I'm sorry. Varric told me most of what happened because I barely remember any of it."

He scratched the back of his head. He looked genuinely concerned, which eased Scarlett's mind a bit.  
He stepped closer to her till they were less than a few feet apart.

"Look, I'm not about that life. I like consent, I need consent. I just do really stupid shit when drunk."

"... I believe you, I suppose, but harass me like that again and I'll give you worse than a burnt arm."

"Of course."  
Bull put his hands up and smirked, before heading down the steps toward the gate.  
Scarlett still wasn't too sure of this Qunari, but when she thought about it, he'd never done anything to hurt her or hint at hurting her until last night. He had plenty of chances to try and do so when on the field late at night when everyone was fast asleep. From what Krem had told her when they talked, he was a big, lovable idiot, and a decent person. He probably wasn't that much of an ass. Only sometimes.  
As he went, she found herself looking at an ass once again.  
Great.  
Cullen and now Iron Bull?

She managed to return her conscience to her original task at hand and made her way to the training grounds.

The Herald and Cassandra talked for a bit about their next excursion before Scarlett decided to change the subject. It occurred to her she barely knew anything about the seeker. Cassandra had gotten to know Scarlett, but Scarlett knew almost nothing except she was a seeker, a warrior, hated Varric, and looked like a sexy storm cloud.  
Ever since things started becoming semi-normal, she couldn't help but notice how incredibly attractive the Seeker was. Now, Scarlett didn't get her hopes up because she didn't seem like the kind of person who'd be into the fairer sex, but when they talked, she couldn't help but slide in a few smooth comments here and there.

"I'd like to get to know you better, seeker."

"You would?" she almost spat, like that statement was surprising for her to hear.

Scarlett laughed, "Is that a problem?"

"Not entirely. I'm just curious as to your motivation."

"Is there any harm in us becoming a little closer?"

"Plenty."

"Is that right?"

"Ugh. As you wish..."

Cassandra began to tell her the basics, where she's from and all that shit. They got into what she did as a Right Hand of the Divine, how she became the Right Hand, where Scarlett was prompted to ask,  
"But what is the story about you becoming the right hand?"

"Sweet Andraste do you really want to hear that? It was what-- eighteen, twenty years ago? Some still discuss it like it happened yesterday. The tale gets bigger each time it's told. I barely recognize myself within it now."

"I'm sure you're just being modest."

The seeker snorted, "I was there. I think I know what happened.  
To hear others tell it, I alone saved Divine Beatrix from a horde of dragons sent to assault the Grand Cathedral. Rather impressive for such a young seeker, wouldn't you say?"

"And the truth is?"

"I stumbled upon a conspiracy to kill Beatrix. A templar knight-commander was at its heart. And there was a dragon battle at the Grand Cathedral, but I had help from loyal mages who rallied to the cause. They freed the dragons from magical control. Without them, the Divine and I both would have died. Yet I became the right hand, and they are forgotten."

Wow. Sure, Cassandra seemed like a raging grump on the outside, but inside she was modest and selfless. Beautiful too, Scarlett wondered if she knew that.  
She chuckled, "You're delightful, you know that?"

"No, I do not know that."

"Mm-hmm."

"I object. There is nothing "delightful" about me," Cassandra huffed. Maker, she's flustered!

"I beg to differ."

She sighed, "I think I preferred you in the stocks."

Scarlett couldn't hold back the laugh that came forth as she spoke, "I'll let you get back to work."

The seeker shook her head as she made her way toward the stables while Scarlett stood as she laughed. She felt strange, a pair of eyes on her, and out of the corner of her eye, she could've sworn she someone looking at her. Her head turned to see the Commander on the other side of tents, looking rather disappointed about something. He was surveying the soldiers rather oddly, glancing quickly from one to the other, as if he wasn't really watching them at all, like he was really trying hard not to look in any other direction.  
Did he see us talking, perhaps? Scarlett wondered, but that didn't explain why he couldn't bring himself to look at her right then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, jealous Cullen???


	5. Adorable Awkwardness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw this is really short, but this week's been busy. Next chapter will be longer I promise  
> ♥And thank you all so much for reading♥

Cullen couldn't have one decent night's sleep, could he? The nightmare snuck up on him like a thief in the night, literally.   
Memories of Kinloch, the screams of his friends as the abominations tore into them, the demons sifting through his thoughts, tempting him with the one thing he always wanted but could never have...  
He woke with a strangled gasp, sitting up and grasping at bed sheets to confirm this was real, that he wasn't back at Kinloch being tortured.  
When he was sure this was indeed real, he sighed and flopped on his back again, hand draped over his face.  
Another bad dream, well, when was the last time he didn't have a bad dream?  
Cullen thought, but couldn't recall.

Maker, how much more of this could he take?

The majority of that morning was spent trying to shake his mind off of those thoughts.  
He went down to the field, for once hoping that someone had a pile of reports waiting for him so he could keep his head occupied.  
As Cullen approached his usual spot, he saw that the Herald and her party were preparing their horses and supplies for heading to meet the mages in Redcliffe. He watched as she was bantering with Iron Bull and Sera, laughing about Maker knows what, and Cullen watched her expression.

Cullen found it oddly... endearing, the way she laughed.   
It wasn't long after he started looking at her that he found himself smiling.

It did something to his heart that he couldn't explain.

He thought for a moment while trying to turn his attention from the beautiful mage, wasn't there something he wanted to take his mind off of?   
His eye caught Bull, who was pointing at him and smirking at the Herald. She followed his finger until she saw Cullen and began to laugh again.  
Wait, he was staring at her this whole time, wasn't he?  
Maker, he was an idiot.Cullen walked further into the camp like he was attempting to hide behind a tent, as if that was possible at this point.Moments later, Trevelyan's head peeked from around the corner,

"Morning, Commander."

Cullen rubbed the back of his head, managing to actually look the woman in the eye.  
"Hello, Herald."

She came around the tent, hands behind her back, taking slow steps with a grin wide as lake Calenhand.

"Rough morning, is it?"

Cullen was confused,  
"N-no, what do you mean?"

"Your scowling like something's bothering you. Should I leave?"

"NO- no..." Cullen said rather too quickly,  
"I-I mean you can talk to me anytime you want, if you want."

Scarlett laughed and looked down at her feet, and Cullen could've sworn he saw something in her face. Something he'd never expect to see during a conversation with him of all people. Her cheeks had the slightest blush to them, one could hardly tell, but Cullen knew.

"I'll keep that in mind, commander... but I should be off."

"Yes, of course."

She walked away after that and Cullen couldn't help but smile to himself. That whole talk was so awkward and embarrassing, yet he felt calm, even relaxed all the same. Maybe because the Herald's smile warmed his heart as much as her laugh did. Perhaps she felt the same, but Cullen could only dream. Dream of ill-advised fantasies he'd knew he'd never be able to act upon.   
A soldier caught his attention with a report, and Cullen was disappointed that his mind was turned from a new-found distraction.


	6. Oh, Dorian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett and Dorian begin their epic best friendship

Gaining the mages was a success, despite all the time travel shit they had to go through to do so. As Scarlett and her team were heading back to Haven, she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. She was beginning to really like this Dorian fellow she traveled with, and she could only assume he was to head back to his homeland after this or whatever he was planning. The way he fought, talked with her and the inner circle, it almost reminded her of Nerianna. Reminded her of the snarky comments, how she brushed off everything bad and ugly in this world like a speck of dust on her shoulder. Scarlett had to keep telling herself she was dead though. She had new responsibilities, new problems to deal with in her own life. She had to move on from worrying about someone else’s. Nerianna could have never have survived the circle's revolt anyway.  
As her mind wandered from path to path, she could overhear the Tevinter mage having a very entertaining conversation with Iron Bull.

Dorian was messing with the tip of his staff when Bull commented,  
"That staff's in pretty good shape, Tevinter."

He seemed unfazed until Bull spoke again,  
"You spend a lot of time polishing it?"

Dorian groaned, walking faster and faster away from the Qunari.  
Scarlett held back her laugh as best she could.

_________________________________

 

When they made it back to Haven and reported in, the reaction was anything but what she expected.

"If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst," Scarlett overheard the ambassador as she approached the group. Cullen was beside Josephine, looking like a storm cloud just flew over his head, and Cassandra obviously annoyed, but that wasn't unusual.  
Cullen saw Scarlett and spat, "What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The veil is torn open!"

She was a little surprised to see him this angry. What about what he had said about treating mages better?  
"We need them to close the breach. It's not going to work if we make enemies of them."

"I know we need them for the breach, but they could do as much damage as the demons themselves!"

"Enough arguing!" The seeker cut in, thankfully, "None of us were there. We cannot afford to second-guess our people.  
The sole point of the Herald's mission was to gain the mages' aid, and that was accomplished."

A voice was heard from behind the seeker.  
Out from behind one of the chantry's beams came Dorian.  
"The voice of pragmatism speaks! And here I was just starting to enjoy the circular arguments."

"Closing the breach is all that matters," said Cassandra, looking back at the Tevinter mage.

She was right, and Scarlett figured this was the time to emphasize on that thought,  
"I got a taste of the consequences if we fail. Let's make sure we don't."

"We will not fail."

"We should look into the things you saw in this ‘Dark Future.’ The assassination of Empress Celene? A demon army?"  
Leliana brought up.

Dorian cut in dramatically,  
"Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises. Chaos for everyone!"

Cullen said something else about preparations, but she wasn't listening until the point when he told her,  
"Join us. None of this means anything without your mark after all."

Mark... Just my mark? Alright then...  
"And I'd hope to sit out the assault on the breach. Take a nap, maybe go for a walk."

"What is it they say? 'No rest for the wicked?'" he said.

"I'll skip the war council, but I would like to see this Breach up close if you don't mind."

Is... Is Dorain saying what she thought he was?  
"Then your... staying?"

"Oh, didn't I mention? The south is so charming and rustic. I adore it to little pieces."

Scarlett couldn't contain the smile that formed.  
"I guess there's no one else I'd rather be stranded in time with. Future or present."

"Excellent! But let's not get 'stranded' anytime soon, yes?"  
She was happy to see he too was smiling with her.

Cullen was the last to speak before they split up, again just about boring stuff,  
"I'll begin preparations to march on the summit, Maker willing, the mages will be enough to grant us victory."

Dorian and Scarlett stayed behind as the rest of the advisor's headed to their offices, but Cassandra went to the war room.  
He stepped closer to the mage and asked,  
"Amazing, don't you think?"

"What is?"

"It's just... the way you show yourself. You were thrown into all this, quite literally, yet you simply get up, brush yourself off, then walk and talk like the whole room bows to your every tiny whim.”

"And you find that particularly amazing?"

"Your entire life was changed with a blink of an eye, an actual blink, I must emphasize."

"Varric's already asked me about that."

"And your response?"

"I have no fucking clue what's happening anymore, honestly."  
Though that was still partly true, things have gotten easier for Scarlett to comprehend as time's gone on. Maybe it was the long, sleepless nights in the Hinterlands, or perhaps it was venturing into the future and witnessing all that horrific shit.

Dorian laughed,  
"Wonderful! Our great savior is just as baffled as the rest of us."

_________________________________

As more and more days went by since they returned from Redcliffe, Scarlett and Dorian had been getting well acquainted. They'd spend an hour or so every day they were Haven just talking about random crap. Some days they’d talk about magic, some days they’d gush over the handsome soldiers that’d pass by every so often. Dorian loved to tease Scarlett about Cullen in particular though, sometimes Cassandra.

Dorian had this to say once,  
“She’s not into women I’d bet.”

“Probably not, but what’s the harm in flirting if she lets me?”

“You could get a punch to the face.”

“I’ll take my chances.” 

After a week went by and they continued their banters, Scarlett would see the Chantry mothers and sisters glance at them with a disapproving expression. They must have found it odd that Andraste's Herald would befriend a Tevinter mage. No one had chosen to say anything about it to her, though. 

Well, that wasn't entirely true.  
Sera asked Scarlett one day if he was taking her, "Right up in the dales," but Scarlett quickly assured her they were only friends.  
"Figured that anyway. He's got that look, and that stupid prancey walk like he's real big. Kind of stuff that tells you he likes 'em the way he likes himself."

"And by that, you mean handsome, charming and... men."

"Yup, but it's all good. I like mine like I like myself. Like," she giggled, staring down at her drink, "Bull's women, what they’d be like. Woof. Or I could stick it to following you, watching your arse."

Scarlett smacked her arm playfully.  
A messenger came through the tavern door moments later, heading straight for her,  
"M'lady, you're expected in the war room."

She sighed, taking one last sip of her drink, "I'm coming..."  
"Like watching my ass, now?" Scarlett said to her jokingly.  
Sera gave her a sharp whistle as she stepped out into the cold.

When she entered the war room, she was surprised to see Dorian there as well, considering he had said he'd skip the war councils.  
"Did we do something bad?" Scarlett teased.

The seeker's eyes rolled to the back of her head,  
“Depends. We only wanted to... clarify something."

She looked to Cullen, who shook his head immediately.

"You two have been... getting to know each other lately. People are starting to talk, and we need to know if..."  
Cassandra would open her mouth, then close it, and repeat. It was almost like the words physically couldn't come out of her mouth.  
Then she nearly shouted,  
"If you're involved!"

Scarlett and Dorian looked at the advisors dumb-founded.  
Even when they first met, Scarlett could never imagine...  
The mere thought almost made a lump in her throat.

The pair looked at each other before bursting into a mad fit of laughter.  
Dorian clutched his stomach while Scarlett nearly fell to the floor, leaving the advisors very confused.

"So... you're not?"  
Cassandra said.

Dorian was the first to calm down and told her,  
"Never in all my existence."

Scarlett jumped in, little laughs escaping between words,  
"No, Maker no."

"I prefer men; however, 'the less fair sex' seems the more subtle term now that I say it."

Scarlett watched as realization came upon all of their faces.  
"Let's just say if I were to ever have anything close to a brother, It'd be this man."

Dorian nodded, extending his hand to mark his next emphasis,  
"And the sad part is? You felt that it was necessary to call an actual war meeting on this!"

"You are a Tevinter, Dorian. You understand the people would not approve of such a pairing, if that had been the case."  
Cassandra's tone made it apparent to Scarlett she probably wasn’t the biggest fan of Dorian. How sad.

Scarlett though, was just fucking done,  
"Well, this is great for you, then. Dorian and I are only friends and the thought of that turning into more is nearly vomit-inducing. Can we be finished with this, please?"

"I agree."  
Cullen added.

Cassandra gave the all-clear and that was the end of that mess.  
The nerve of them. It’s like she couldn’t make one single friend in her party without the advisors thinking it’s a fling.  
Scarlett headed back to the tavern again to get a stronger drink. The one she had earlier wasn't going to cut it.  
As she went she repeated to herself over and over in her head,  
Andraste, could I get one fucking break? Just one, pretty please?


	7. Teases and Truffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you like awkward Cullen and a (mostly) smoother than a fresh jar of skippy Inquisitor, this chapter is for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is short but I'm gonna try to start making the chapters longer if I have the time.

"Commander?" Cullen heard a soft voice say to him, an unmistakable voice.  
He continued to sort through his reports on the table in his tent, refusing to let himself look at her.

"Yes, Herald?"

He felt a little disappointed, maybe a little angry with the Herald after she had come back with news she was letting the mages join as FREE allies. It simply didn't make sense to him, after everything they'd done.

"Still sour, are you?"

It was only after she said that when he realized his tone was rough and bothersome.  
"I-I didn't mean to be rude. It's only-" he was about to explain why, but she cut him off,

"Don't worry about it. I get why you probably don't like me at the moment."

He turned and looked in her eyes, but was confused when he glanced down at her hands and saw a bowl of...  
Chocolates? Were those chocolates? The Herald saw he was staring.

“Want one?” she asked, taking one from the bowl and offering it to him, "A peace offering, maybe?"

“Al-Alright... I suppose it's difficult to stay too mad at you. After all, we did succeed."

Their fingertips brushed ever so slightly as he took the small piece of chocolate.

She opened her mouth to say something but as their fingers met her mouth closed shut again.  
It occurred to Cullen it was the first time they had ever touched at all.

“I was meaning to ask you about something, actually,” he said.

“About the mages?”

“Not exactly.”

She quirked a brow, so Cullen explained, “I know we talked about how you don’t bother me, being a mage and all. It occurred to me I never asked if I was an issue to you.” 

“Because you’re a Templar?”

“Yes. I see most of the mages here are not fond of me. I’m practically used to mages disliking me on principle I was hoping you didn’t feel the same.”

“Well... I never disliked you on principle.”

“Oh... T-thank you.”

“Why do you care?” the Herald asked, taking another chocolate into her mouth, and before he answered, Cullen first had to ask that question to himself. He couldn’t tell her that she wanted her to like him, no. That would be taken the wrong way...  
Cullen didn’t want the pause to grow any more awkward so words fell from his tongue before he could catch them,  
“I... was thinking... hoping we c-could be friends, despite our different backgrounds. I-If that’s what... If that sounds agreeable to you?”  
Embarrassed stuttering, Cullen decided, would be the death of him.

“Friends? Is that a breach in decorum I hear?” she laughed in between words and Cullen wasn’t sure if she was laughing at him or if it was some friendly humor.

“I’m sure no one would pay too much mind.”

“I don’t think so either," she said,

“Then, you don’t mind?”

She giggled again and Cullen’s heart swelled.  
“It just strikes me odd that you feel as if you need to ask for my friendship.”

Cullen stepped closer to her,  
“It’s not that I feel it’s odd, to be friends with you, that is. I’m only making sure you're comfortable with it.”

"You know, you're pretty cute when you're flustered."

"I-ah... what?"  
Scarlett slipped the words in so smoothly he could hardly process them.  
She moved until they stood only a few feet apart and Cullen could feel the heat rising in his cheeks when she brushed a finger over her lips to wipe away a smear of chocolate from the top one.

"Want me to say it again?"

Maker, yes...  
NO, he meant no, no no no no no

"I could be more... direct, if you want, or are you still set on us just being 'friends'?"

Cullen was on the edge of saying it. He could taste the word in his mouth screaming at him to let it be released.  
"Y-y... I-"

The flap to his tent swung open to the side and Cullen was nearly blinded with the light from the sun...  
The person who opened it groaned and Cullen didn't have to look at the stupid Qunari to realize it was him who halted their... conversation.  
"Red, can you h-"

The Herald was turned around and Cullen couldn't see her face, but he could tell she was giving Bull some sort of evil death stare from the way his face froze in place as he spoke.

"...help me with this?"

He pointed to the blood spewing, gushing gash on his hand that Cullen didn't want to know how it got there.  
"Can't you get Dorian?" she asked.

"I think he's still asleep..."

She scratched the back of her head and ran her fingers through her hair. It was something Cullen noticed she did whenever she was frustrated. A little bit like what he did, maybe.

"Fine," she sighed, "but you're lucky I'm nice, you shit."

"Such hospitality..." Bull groaned again while he motioned her out of the tent.  
The Herald stopped a moment to glance back at Cullen, but barely acknowledged him, "I guess we'll talk... later, Commander."  
It almost looked like she was too embarrassed to meet his eyes for long.

Cullen found he had not moved a muscle since Iron Bull stepped in the conversation.  
He wasn't sure if he should be glad or mad that it was intervened.  
He couldn't understand why wanting to ask her for her friendship turned into this... mess  
Not a bad mess, necessarily, just a horribly confusing and conflicting one.  
One side of his head was hammering at him, scolding him for developing childish feelings for a woman he's known less than two months, and feelings for the Herald of Andraste no less.  
The other side whispered to him that it all wasn't so bad as the other was telling him. It may not be wise, sure, but it didn't feel wrong.  
There was another part of him though, this one was worse and more prominent than the other two.  
This side reminded him this wasn't unusual behavior for her.  
"She flirts with everyone," he recalled Bull saying in that drunken stupor of his a couple weeks ago.

That was all it was, he supposed. Casual, platonic flirting that couldn't lead anywhere...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love feedback if you guys want to give me some. I don't mind a little constructive criticism...


	8. Intensity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed the new tag...

"Casual flirting? That's what he called it?"  
Scarlett was surprised Cullen would even go that far.

"You believe I'm here to bullshit you?"

"Hmm," Scarlett chewed her lip in thought.  
Scarlett had Dorian do a little... investigating into her and the commander's discussion the other day.  
She was curious to see if he had any intentions of a one-night stand, possibly? Now she was on the verge of thinking he had none.

Dorian laughed, "You have a plan, I presume?"

"A plan?"

"Yes, a plan, where you have an idea in mind to complete certain things in succession to reach a certain goal."

"What 'goal' do you think I would possibly have? Or have to do with the commander?"

"I hope you'd want to court that beloved commander and make him blush like an innocent schoolgirl."

Scarlett smirked to herself before she spoke, thinking about if she can make him flustered so quickly as she had, then how easy would it be for him to come undone under her touch...  
"The blushing part I've already done, but I have no intention to 'court' him."

"That's a shame, considering your eyes seem to lock onto him in a trance whenever he's within forty feet of you."

"I could say the same for yourself," she said.  
Scarlett didn't have stupid crushes as silly little girls did. She liked to love them, or fuck them she should say, and leave them.

"But you'd be mistaken. I can actually control my sights impulses."

"You-.... ah- mm..."

Dorian's laugh brightened up the whole room, save for Scarlett's expression.

"I'm going to bed, I'd like to not have so many hangovers before we have to seal the Breach."

"Yes, of course that's the reason..."

She didn't even bother looking back to see that probably smug-as-shit face of his.  
She marched down the path to her cottage she had been calling home for the past month. The little house wasn't the nicest place she'd ever stayed in, but it suited her. Not very big, but everything she needed to live comfortably was at her disposable, unlike all of her other homes, where it was either too crowded at the circle, too big at her childhood home, or sleeping outside as she had been doing much more of as of late.

She fiddled with the reports on her desk even though she knew she wouldn't be able to focus on them at all, and eventually put them all into a neat stack, but all together, they were nearly tall enough to be a book.  
She sighed and scratched her head in frustration.  
Everything that's happened this past year was catching up to her at a pace she wasn't sure she could handle. Stress came over her at the worst times. Her head ached every day, except when she drank, and the mark kept her up every other night, suddenly pulsing and stinging when she was on the edges of sleep.  
Scarlett turned away from the pile of papers and began changing from her usual attire into her soft cotton nightgown, longing for some much-needed rest. 

As she grabbed said nightgown from the chair, someone knocked on her door.  
She froze, butt-ass naked and almost scared out of her wits.  
Nearly yanking the article of clothing on her, she asked who it was.

"Cullen. Do you have a moment?"

NOW?!?!

Scarlett hastily ran over to view herself in the mirror, making sure she wasn't revealing anything he wouldn't probably want to see right now.  
The gown wasn't too short, the straps were thin, but they held...

Shit, shit, he would see the outline of her nipples through the fabric...

That's okay, she can cover up with her arms, if he truly did only want a moment.  
Something in the back of her mind was hoping he was here because of their talk the other day...  
She crossed her arms over her breasts and realized it did seem a bit like an unnatural pose.  
Oh well.  
At least her face still looked alright, and she thanked the Maker she hadn't taken her makeup off yet.  
"Y-yeah. Come in."

The commander stepped inside, head buried in a report.  
He wasn't wearing his usual armor, though, Just some dark trousers and a tan shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It was buttoned down juuust enough to see a small bit of his chest. Scarlett spotted small bits of blond curls threatening to poke out. She almost didn't realize he was speaking she was so lost in her reverie.  
"I was wondering if-"

He looked up and Scarlett could already feel this may be the most humiliating moment of her life as she stood in nothing but a tiny nightgown.  
Just act like it's nothing, she told herself.

"Yes?"

"I didn't realize... We're you about to-"

She moved closer, trying to bring on the impression she wasn't too bothered by him seeing her in this small state of undress.  
"Sleep? Yes, but it's fine, go ahead."

"There's just these two reports," he presented them, "Leliana insisted you take a look at them at some point."

Scarlett rolled her eyes and took them, making sure to keep her breasts covered.  
"Another addition to the pile..." she complained, plopping them on the stack.

The commander's eyes went wide as he saw just how many reports she had.  
She laughed, "I know. I might as well have a novel at this point."

He moved over to the desk to investigate, brushing against her ever so slightly as he went.  
"It will take you weeks to go through all these."

"Unless I dedicate a whole day or two to them, it will."

"Y-You know, I could always read them with you, make the burden a little easier."  
He turned to face her, eyes darting from her eyes, then to the suspicious position of her arms...  
Awfully generous, she thought.

"You don't have to do that. I'm sure you have plenty of work on your own."

"My men assist me with a good bit of my reports. You don't have that option."

"That's true..."

His gaze went back to where she was covering herself and Scarlett felt the inevitable approach.

"A-Are you hiding something?"

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

She looked down at her arms, and back up to meet his confused expression.  
It was funny how his tone made it seem like he had no fucking idea that it could be her tits she was hiding.  
How conveniently innocent...  
Just be cool, Scarlett.

"Err, sort of."

His lips quirked into a little grin, a purely innocent grin.  
"Alright..."  
He picked up a report from her desk and glanced at it.  
The fuck is he doing?

"This one, in particular, is more a commander's specialty. It discusses how we should stick the mages in towers so they won't hurt anyon-"

"What!"

Scarlett snatched the paper from his hands and saw that it said nothing of the sort.  
What she didn't realize was he made the perfect diversion so he could see exactly what she had been covering.  
It was his soft, "Oh" that snapped her out of it.

Scarlett's limbs went to mush before they practically shoved the report onto his torso,  
"You clever little shi-"

He couldn't suppress his laughter if he tried,"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't think."

She smacked his arm again playfully.

"Exactly, you didn't think. That oblivious innocence is what being a pure-minded, virtuous chantry boy gets you."

Still laughing, he managed to take hold of her wrists with both hands before she could cover up or hit him again.  
His grip glided down until his fingers held her by the backs of her hands. His fingers did not touch hers, so not as to hold her hand, but to hold her in place where she stood. The intensity of the moment caused Scarlett's mind to cloud up and all she could feel was Cullen's touch and her heavy breathing.  
"I'm not completely innocent," he almost whispered before leaning his head in ever so slightly.

He tried to keep his gaze purely on her face, but couldn’t help but go back in forth to her breasts.  
Scarlett watched in a daze, a few moments that seemed to stretch on for hours.

Dorian may be right...  
Perhaps she does want to 'court' the commander...

His slowly let up his hold one of her wrists and her hand immediately fell to the bottom of his neck before trailing down to the collar of his shirt. She could feel a few hairs from his chest on her fingertips and that was when she knew she was already too far gone.

He moved in close enough so their foreheads were only an inch apart and Scarlett felt the urge to close her eyes, but just when she thought Cullen would lean in that little bit further, his body froze up and he turned away.

He was at the door before she knew it.  
"G-Good evening... m'lady," and then he was gone.

Scarlett couldn't think straight and her head felt foggy still...

What just happened?


	9. Flirtatious Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously on unresolved sexual tension...

What in Maker's name had he done?  
The moment swept him away and it prevented his conscience from reminding him his actions had consequences.  
When Cullen reached it, he paced around the hollowness of his tent which now felt ten times more empty than it did yesterday.  
When he went to bed, it took an hour or so for him to actually fall asleep as he lay eyes wide open, thinking about how things could never again be entirely normal between them.  
There was no early war room meeting scheduled that day, so Cullen had time to prepare his mind for an inevitable conversation with the Herald.  
He headed to the Chantry to drop something by Josephine and prayed he wouldn't cross paths with her on the way.  
He went to the door and his ears picked up female voices coming from the other side. He made out Josephine first, Leliana, then The Herald. 

The conversation he overheard was quite intriguing.

"But you did nothing?" Leliana asked.

The Herald said in irritation, "No, I just stood there like a bumbling idiot as he left."

"You were embarrassed. It sounds like he was too." added Josephine.

"That doesn't happen to me though! Why does it change all of a sudden?"

The other ladies giggled,  
"It apparently does happen. It's reasonable to be flustered around a man like the commander."

"Now you sound like Dorian."

"Are you going to talk to him about it?” said Leliana.

"Uh, no."

"Why not?"

"That'd end very badly.”

"How can you be certain?"

Cullen felt a surge of confidence as he smirked in satisfaction. It was clear to him she was just as nervous and embarrassed as he was by the ordeal. Maybe he'd have a bit of fun with that knowledge...

"What would I say, exactly? Hello, sorry for caressing your chest as you stared at my tits through my nightgown, what do you-"

The shutting of the office door broke her attention and they stared at Cullen blankly before Leliana and Josephine nearly began to cry from laughter.  
Andraste's Herald looked like she was preparing her funeral.  
She turned away from him, insisting on staring at the wall instead.  
"Did I miss something?" he asked playfully.

"You tell us..." Leliana got out in between laughs.

"This isn't a special war meeting you didn't invite me to?"

“Very special indeed.”

"I could've sworn I'd heard something about caressing, and being... flustered?"

"Don't act smug now!”  
The Herald nearly screamed at him.

Leliana shook her head and teased, "No, no. It's entertaining to see the Herald of Andraste like this. Maybe you should be smug more often, Commander..."  
Cullen laughed, smoothly delivering the reports to Josephine's desk, smirking all the way there and back to the door.  
"I could, perhaps. I'll see you this afternoon, ladies," and then he walked out, feeling very proud of himself.

He listened at the door for just a minute more, though it was everything he expected, he couldn't help it,  
Josephine started, "Now you have to say something."

"Maker no." The Herald groaned.

"That's a shame."

"He could still be out there you know."

The final giggles he heard afterward was the best indication he'd gotten the exact reaction he'd hoped for.  
It may not have been wise of him to add fuel to the flirtatious fire, but at that moment, he didn't quite care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love little moments where Cullen gets that little surge of confidence. When she's not ready, they make my Inquisitor blush until her face looks like a tomato.


	10. In Your Heart Shall Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to keep a semi-steady pace of one chapter per week. So, just in case you guys were wondering, most of the time a new chapter will be up on or near the weekend, with very few exceptions every now and then.

This was shit, complete and utter bullshit, shit shit shit shit.

 

One moment Varric was patting her on the back after she'd destroyed half an angry templar army, next she was blinded by a burst of fire that pinched her skin and blinded her vision. 

She, Varric, Cassandra, and Solas rushed into the gate and Cullen closed it behind them.

When he turned around Scarlett had never seen such worry on his face.

"We need everyone back to the Chantry! It's the only building that might hold against that beast!"

If his expression didn't scare her, the frantic tone of his voice sure did.

"At this point, just make them work for it."

 

Nothing made sense anymore. Well, as if things had been making sense since she arrived at Haven. Scarlett closed the Breach, fulfilled her special little purpose and everything in life was going to go to a nice, somewhat calm, semi-paced normal.

BUT THIS WASN'T FUCKING NORMAL!!!

As the group headed to the Chantry, every swoosh of wings above her head made her shiver inside, and it wasn't simply the snow mixed with the sudden brush of cold air against her skin.

 

* * *

 

Scarlett never thought she'd even be slightly relieved to hear Chancellor Rodrick's voice, but as she briefly saw the state he was in she couldn't help but feel that small bit of empathy.

"He tried to stop a Templar," said Cole, the strange boy that warned them at the gate, "The blade went deep. He's going to die."

"What a charming boy."

She spotted a few yards in the distance, Cullen had spotted her as well and nearly ran to her.

"Herald, our position is not good. That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us."

"I've seen an Archdemon. I was in the Fade, but it looked like that," Cole commented, but left Scarlett confused, slightly terrified if this was indeed an Archdemon. 

"I don't care what it looks like! It's cut a path for that army- they'll kill everyone in Haven."

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village. He only wants the Herald."

"If you know why he wants me just say it," Scarlett said.

"I don't. He's too loud- it hurts to hear him. He wants to kill you. No one else matters, but he'll crush them, kill them anyway. I don't like him."

Cullen scrunched his eyebrows.

"You don't like...? Sca-Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide.

"We're overrun. To hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven."

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Many don't get that choice..."

A heavy silence fell over the group. Scarlett's heart twinged and ached at the idea that they'd all be buried, that all she's done would be cast to the snow.

Cole looked off to the side before speaking up and ending the tension,

"Yes, that. Chancellor Rodrick can help. He wants to say it before he dies."

"There is a path. You wouldn't know it, unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage. As I have."

He stood, clenching his side as his voice trembled with each word,

"The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could... t-tell you."

"What are you on about, Roderick?"

"It was whim that I walked the path. I did not mean to start- it was overgrown. now, with so many in the Conclave dead, to be the only one who remembers... I don't know, Herald. If this simple memory can save us. This could be more than mere accident. You could be more."

"What about it, Cullen? Could it work?"

Scarlett felt a strange feeling on her tongue, and she realized it was the first time she'd ever said his name.

"Possibly, if he shows us the path, but what of your escape?"

Another silence, although this one wasn't heavy, it was painfully bone-crushing.  

"Perhaps you'll surprise it, find a way..." 

"Honestly, I-I don't believe I'm that magical."

His face fell at her words, but she saw he was deflecting any emotion he felt when he turned away to bark orders to follow the fallen Chancellor through the Chantry. 

Cole draped Rodrick over him as he told Scarlett the last thing he'd ever say to her,

"Herald... if you are meant for this, if the _Inquisition_ is meant for this... I pray for you."

Scarlett faced the gate, preparing to take her leave and face what most likely would be her death, but the Commander paused her in her tracks to tell her about the plan, loading the trebuchets, keeping this demon thing's attention.

"If we-if _you_ are to have a chance, let that thing hear you."

She went to step through the door and managed to open it before a firm grip was on her forearm, making her look up at him.

Neither of them really knew what to say, what to do. Neither was still sure of how they felt about the other. 

Scarlett, figuring this may be the last time she would ever see him, moved forward, cupping one side of his face with one hand and placed a quick, tentative kiss on the other stubbly cheek.

His face was smooth but chiseled and a little prickly at the same time. The small touch gave her some of the comfort she needed. 

She didn't look back to see how he reacted before closing the door behind her as she stepped into the snow.

 


	11. Cold And Empty

Cold and empty, that's all Cullen felt as he twiddled with his fingers, which felt just the same.  
His heart twisted and ached as he looked around what remained of the Inquisition.  
Low for morale would be an understatement.  
That boy that was helping Chancellor Rodrick, Cullen couldn't recall if he had ever said his name, walked over to where he sat on a flat, snowy rock.  
"You hurt, an empty, festering pain. It's a hurt you can't explain. You want to, but you don't think there's a point in trying."

"What are you talking about?" he asked irritatingly.

"You feel like everyone else, but it's deeper for you. You're confused, but so is she. It's alright." 

Cullen softened his tone this time. He was trying not to be rude, "What? What are you talking about?"

The boy stopped, looked down and shook his head.  
"I'm sorry, that was wrong... Let me do it again. You won't remember me, so don't worry."

"Y-you're speaking of Sc.. The Herald?"

His face brightened, and he sat next to Cullen as he spoke,  
"Yes... You... you want to say her name. Why don't you?"

"She... was Andraste's Herald. It wouldn't have been... appropriate."

"She doesn't mind. It'd be different, for her, comfortable, a nice feeling."

Cullen's scowled in confusion.  
"How would you have known that? She's gone."

"That's what you believe."

"No one could've survived that avalanche."

"I can help you. I can tell you, then she'll be given back to you."

"W-what? That doesn't make sense..."

"I know, not to you. I'm sorry. When she gets here, you'll forget all about me. I'll have helped you. You'll feel better."

"When she gets here? You actually think she's coming back?"

"She is..."

He stood and stepped over to the edges of the camp. Cullen followed, curious as the boy looked up towards a small clearing in the mountains.  
"Cold. Snow soaking my feet, my legs. Where is there not snow? I've never been so cold in my life. Fire spell barely gives me anything, but I could use it. If they're out there, they could see me. Maker, you're probably not real but please let this work."

After the boy finished, a small, red spark flew up in the air somewhere behind that mountain clearing he was facing.  
An array of red-orange sparks fluttered in the air, scattering until the cold wiped them out and turned them to dust.  
He and Cullen weren't the only ones who witnessed it. Cassandra and Leliana rushed past the two.  
"What was that?" The seeker asked frantically.  
Cullen turned to the boy, completely and utterly stunned.  
He was right...  
Leliana drawed her bow, "We need to investigate. Commander?"  
Cullen nodded before the trio began the ascent up the snow-covered hill.  
When a small, slow-moving figure came into his line of sight, he sighed with the most relief he believed he ever felt in his life.  
The boy was righ-  
Boy... boy?  
What boy?  
Cullen couldn't recall, but didn't really care as he started moving faster and faster to reach her.

"There, it's her!"

"Thank the Maker."

She dropped to her knees and Cullen steadied her before the rest of her would follow suit.  
You could've mistaken her fiery red locks for white there was so much ice covering them.  
"Hey..."  
She smiled, no, smirked. Cullen seriously wondered if she could possibly be smart-assey or smug in the state she was in.  
"You'll be fine, we're going to bring you back."  
He wasn't sure if he said that to her or himself.  
He took her in his arms and they began back down the hill.  
Cullen could feel the knee he was clutching was fractured, or broken, and one of her wrists was at an unnatural angle, but she was alive.

That's all that mattered.  
And for the next few hours after they returned, the healers nearly had to shout at Cullen to stop bothering them because the Herald of Andraste was going to be perfectly fine.

 

Even though he knee was still sore and could hardly hold anything with the hand that went with her broken wrist, Scarlett felt decently okay, and that's something she didn't expect to feel since the attack started.  
Scarlett was simply happy that they stopped for the time being, but in an hour they were sure to head off again to this place Solas told them of.  
The mark was pulsing a tad bit more frequently than usual since The Elder One did... whatever he did to it with that orb of his.  
She watched intently as it glowed, lighting up her shaded tent.  
A stream of sunlight that entered freed her from her reverie, and she was surprised to see Iron Bull pulling back the flap of her tent.  
"Bull?"  
He hit his horns on the top of the tent and almost had to do a limbo to get inside.  
Scarlett laughed.  
He sat down across from her, checking carefully that his horns weren't about to knock anything over.  
"You alright? I know those healers popped your bones back in, but you gotta be sore."

"I am, but it'll pass soon enough. I've gotten worse wounds in the Circle."

"Really?"  
He smirked.

"Mhm. There was one time a girl burned half the skin off my shoulder. I had to be with the healers for a week while they put all my skin back in... mostly, the correct place."

"Damn."

"Why do you ask? If I'm okay or not, that is?"

"I-I don't know..."

Scarlett looked up at him, and could see his face contort with something she couldn't explain. One half seemed like confusion, but the other was different, strange.

"I've seen some shit. But this Corypheshit, he's unreal. I couldn't imagine facing him alone."

"What are you saying?"  
He couldn't actually care that much, could he?

"You have balls, Boss, but there's more than that. I know you walk around like nothing happened but you know that's not true."

"I'm fine, Bull. Don't worry about me on that end."

"Someone should..."

They sat in quietness for who knew how long.  
Scarlett knew he wasn't lying. Ever since she could remember, Scarlett was taught and taught herself to conceal her emotions from others.  
No one wanted to see that ugly shit.  
It's been forever since she let someone in, and still, even after Nerianna, Scarlett felt she had barely let her in at all.  
So much has happened since the Circle fell.  
Iron Bull's fucking Ben-Hassareth training could peek through those walls she built around herself.  
He could barely see anything, but he knew something was there that was ripping her apart inside.  
That wasn't good.  
She couldn't let him, or anyone she's met here break through, however. 

"Well, I don't have time for anything like that right now anyway. We have plenty of other shit to deal with."

"This is exactly what I mea-"

"I didn't hire you to be my damn therapist, Bull."  
She huffed before getting up to walk away from this conversation.

"I'm not your therapist. Can't someone check to see if you're holding up alright every now and then? If that's too much for you to handle maybe you need more than a healer."

Scarlett didn't bother to answer and left him alone in her tent.  
She headed straight towards any work she might have, not even stopping to take a look at Cassandra, Josephine or Cullen as she passed.  
Why did she hire that Qunari again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was kinda weird that when your Inquisitor sees the camp, Leliana, Cassandra, and Cullen are just... there?  
> Considering how far away the camp was, they wouldn't have seen the Inquisitor before she reached that little cut in the mountain. Anyway, just my opinion, and that's why I added the little spell thingy.


	12. They Make My Heart Flutter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett's beginning to feel torn between two drastically different men

Scarlett didn't know how to feel about being the Inquisitor.

Being the Herald of fucking Andraste was enough, but now this?

Sure, she always felt more comfortable as a leader rather than a follower, but this was way bigger than she could've imagined. So many things were being thrown at her at once she could barely process her own mental state. Luckily though, all those dumb reports she had back at Haven were destroyed, and probably irrelevant, so she had time to spare.

She talked to Vivienne, who was a bitch as always, talked to some of the soldiers with Bull, which was kind of weird, but fun at the same time, and finally, dealt with Cole and ultimately chose to let him stay. 

The next day, Scarlett was coming down the steps from the tavern and spotted the Commander in the little makeshift office he made by the tents where the healers worked. 

If you could even call it an office. 

Scarlett found it odd he had just... put a desk in a random place, began his work on it, and used it as a post while every soldier flocked toward it. She waited until there weren't twenty soldiers surrounding the Commander so she could finally talk to him.

She'd been wanting to speak with him lately anyway.

Scarlett would never admit it out loud, and almost hated to hear herself say it in her head, but she was relieved that he had made it out of Haven alive.

She had almost assumed it was a 'captain goes down with his ship' sort of scenario, but thankfully that was untrue.

She remembered being in his arms as he carried her down the mountain, and it made her feel all tingly as she did so.

There wasn't a time in recent history where she had ever felt more comfortable, even though she was freezing her ass off, bloody and bruised, bones broken.

It occurred to her she never got the chance to thank him.

Maybe she'd do that right now...

When there was an opening in which no soldier was speaking to Cullen, Scarlett shimmied on in and listened as he started a conversation,

"We set up as best we could at Haven, but could never prepare for an Archdemon or, whatever it was. With some warning, we might have..."

"Do you ever sleep?"

"If Corephyus strikes again we may not be able to withdraw, and I wouldn't want to. We must be ready."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes when it was clear he didn't pay any mind to what she just said.

"Work on Skyhold is underway, guard rotations established. We should have everything on course within the week. We will not run from here, Inquisitor."

"How many were lost?"

"Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could've been worse. Morale was low, but it's improved greatly since you've accepted the role of Inquisitor."

Inquisitor...

That would almost be harder to get used to than Herald of Andraste.

"Inquisitor Trevelyan. It sounds odd, don't you think?"

"Not at all."

"Is that the official response?" she giggled.

"I suppose it is, but it's the truth. We needed a leader. You have proven yourself."

_Sweet talker._

"Thank you, Cullen."

There was that feeling again, although this time it didn't feel so weird. She found herself kinda liking the taste of his name on her tongue. 

_Oh no, that's probably bad._

Scarlett was about to tell him what she had planned to say, that she owed him for carrying her down that mountain.

What came out was a jumble of ill-timed thoughts and fucked up pieces of shit,

"Our escape from Haven, it was close. I'm relieved that you- that so many made it out."

_What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuu-_

"As am I."

He looked off to the side, a sort of solemness had quickly grown on his face.

_Cool, okay._

_Now, it's time to escape, Scarlett. Fucking leave before you_ do anymore _stupid shit..._

As she tried to, Cullen put his hand on her arm ever so slightly

"You stayed behind. You could have..."

He spun her around slowly so she had to look at him, but slowly and gently,

"I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again. You have my word."

Scarlett for once had no witty comeback, no smooth, flirty comment to pull out on him.

She just stared at him as words were unable to fall from her mouth.

It only took a moment for her to start staring at that scar on his lip again.

This time though, he noticed.

 

* * *

 

 

 

That evening Scarlett found herself drinking at the tavern again, staring down into the empty keg as she daydreamed. She'd hoped the drinks would help her get her mind off of what the fuck that Commander was doing to her head, but no. The bartender asked if she wanted a refill, and she declined. It wouldn't do her anything anyway except give her a hangover tomorrow.

Just as she was getting lost in thought again, a seven-foot bull approached.

"This seat taken?" he asked sarcastically, patting the seat next to her.

Scarlett realized she probably looked pretty pathetic. Alone, empty keg in hand and slumping over the bar like a whiny baby.

"I don't think Andraste's got a hold on that stool. I suppose you're alright."

He slithered his way next to her before ordering a drink.

Biting his cheek, he looked at her before saying,

"Listen, I know we talked, but-"

"Yes... I'm sorry about that, by the way."

Scarlett wasn't going to let him continue that poor conversation they had.

Best to just apologize to him so they could forgive and forget.

But he insisted, "No, it's alright."

"It wasn't. I was rude and I shouldn't have been. You were only looking out for me."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess you're forgiven."

They sat there in a comfortable silence while Bull got himself another drink.

Something else came to Scarlett's mind that she had been keeping at the very very back of her head for a little while now. 

"I sorta wanted to talk to you about something actually. It's kind of odd, though."

"How?" He took a big swig.

"It's about sex."

"Mmmm, naughty."

She smacked his arm playfully. 

"Don't get any ideas, I'm serious."

"Well then, spit it out."

"I've heard you've cozied up to the serving girls, along with some of the chantry sisters at Haven, no less."

"Yesss."

"It's just... is that always how it's been for you?"

"How what's been?"

Scarlett didn't know how to phrase it.

"It's... When the circle rebelled, and we were all split up. I was stressed, tired. When my group stopped at a local village, tavern, or brothel even, I'd usually get piss-ass drunk and then before I knew it I'd be having sex with someone I'd never met before. Whores with chips on their shoulders, men and women alike, mostly women though."

"That's hot."

"Some of it was, but most of the time it wasn't anything real. It was just a way to blow off steam."

"That's usually how it is under the Qun."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. It's not a big deal like it is here. It's like... I don't know, going to see a healer? Sometimes it's this long, involved thing. Takes all day, leaves you walking funny... Other times you're in and out in five minutes." he clicked his tongue, "Thank you, see you next week!"

"...Damn."

He gave Scarlett a seductive look and she knew what he was about to get at,

"But the sad thing is? The Qun doesn't really have any redheads. Not like you guys..."

She rolled her eyes.

"But... you've never really made love? Connected with someone in both body and soul? That's what I'm trying to get at."

"I don't know. One time they used this thing called the saartoh nehrappan. It's a leather-wrapped rod on a harness... That wasn't really my soul though. Also, there were more than two people."

"Oh..."

"Why? Haven't you?"

Scarlett was wondering the same thing herself. She was still trying to figure out if what she had with Nerianna was real or...

"I-I don't think so. I'm not sure."

"Hmph," Bull banged on the table and the bartender got the hint.

Scarlett all of a sudden found herself watching Bull's lips as he brought the third drink to them.

The conflicting and agonizing thoughts she'd been circling in her brain washed away just for that moment.

With the way all the women would speak of him, there were probably many things that mouth could do...

Bull noticed and put the keg down.

"Looks like you want to experiment on that, sometime."

She hit him again and he just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch out for smut next chapter, but it's probably not what you're expecting...


	13. Fickle and Fleeting (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smutty smut smut and a pinch of angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The really bisexual part of me kinda just spit this chapter out so I'm sorry if it completely sucks

 

 

Scarlett felt the soft brush of Nerianna's lips on her neck, pressing against the sweet spot where her neck met her collarbone and sucked, causing all arousing thoughts to regenerate.

Finally, they were alone. The quarters were empty and they had all the empty space to themselves...

It just occurred to Scarlett that she was naked, and so was Nerianna, who was currently on top of her and grinding against her thigh, sliding her tongue across the expanse of her freckled skin. Her hands caressed the sides of her breasts before deft fingers toyed with her nipples. Scarlett let out a deep moan and threw her head back.

_It's been so fucking long since she knew that feeling..._

Arousal was flooding through her veins, down to her core and Scarlett just wanted Neri to taste her already, but that wasn't how things went for them. First came the excruciating teasing.

"Yeah, moan for me like that. Tell me how much you love it when I play with your tits."

Scarlett could barely breathe, let alone speak, so she groaned again, raking her nails across Neri's arse, squeezing and pushing her clit down harder on her thigh.

Nerianna moved down to replace her hands with her mouth and Scarlett gasped when her tongue flicked again and again. She smirked on her breast after she was done ravishing it before giving the other the same attention. As her mouth continued to worship Scarlett's breasts, her fingers glided lower until they reached her wetness, which she gathered on her fingers, then gently slid them to her clit so agonizingly slow, teasing the sensitive bud with her slick thumb.

"Fuuuuck..."

She moved her hips to reach her hand and increase the pressure on where she was rubbing.

"You want more?" Nerianna said on her breast, picking up the pace of her finger and teasing another just barely inside her.

Scarlett all but begged, "Stop teasing!"

"Answer me," Nerianna removed her hand entirely, much to Scarlett's disappointment, and began to suck each finger one by one, slowly and seductively pulling them from her mouth.

"Yes, more. Neri, please." 

She laughed before kissing down her stomach, eyes trained on her intended prize.

"Good girl..."

_Good girl_

The words ringed in Scarlett's head, but she wasn't sure if she enjoyed that term as much as Nerianna liked to say it. Right now though, she couldn't possibly care as her mouth began to assault the skin of her inner thighs. 

_So fucking close..._

 

When she felt the first touch of Nerianna's mouth on her, she gasped and sat up, clenching at the bed sheets.

Her eyes shot open and she glanced around to every inch and corner of the room. The air smelled of cold and burnt wood and that's when Scarlett saw a smoldering fireplace across the room. She looked down between her legs, which were covered by a warm, plush bed sheet.

Where did Nerianna go?

Why was the room so big and why was her bed so much softer than it'd been a couple seconds ago? Scarlett saw snowy mountains through the opening to her balcony and she realized, finally...

 

That... wasn't real...

 

_A dream._

 

Just a fucking dream.

 

Though there had been no hands on her body and no mouth on her core, Scarlett still felt as if there must've been something. She throbbed with desire and it made her brain rack with guilt and displeasure rather than the good feeling she should be experiencing. She got out of her bed and paced around wondering why the fuck she just dreamed what she did. She told herself over and over since it happened that she'd moved on. 

Nerianna was dead...

Taking a seat on her couch and staring at the ashes in her fireplace, tears began to fall from her eyes. All the emotion she kept in from all those years ago came back to her again, now with bitter grief adding to the overflowing pile. It was so confusing, conflicting and _heartbreaking_ at the same time.

As she sobbed, Scarlett knew one thing: she sure as hell wasn't getting anymore sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one my first times writing reeaaaalll smut so if you got some feedback I don't mind hearing it ♥


	14. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen notices something wrong with Scarlett when she's supposedly "sick" one afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead!!! Just busy as fuck.

Cullen heard the soft sounds of birds chirping as his eyes slowly peeled open. He expected to be in his bed, but no. He looked around the room, then down at his feet and rolled his head when he realized he'd fallen asleep in his chair at his desk. A small stack of reports was close by amiss the clutter, along with two papers still on his lap, gracing his fingertips. Those must've been some interesting reports...  
Cullen scratched his head before picking up the one that was ready to fall off his leg and read it. It was one from the Inquisitor, about her preparations to venture out into the Storm Coast again. Odd, this report was obviously a few days old or so. The Inquisitor, Dorian, Bull, and Varric left this morning. Cullen ended up spending an unusual amount of time just... studying her handwriting. The way her cursive was much curlier than his own, maybe even curlier than Leliana's or Josephine's for that matter.  
Someone knocked at his door and he groaned before answering. It was probably Rylen or something.  
"Come in, door's unlocked."  
He threw the reports with the others before looking up, surprised at who it was that just stepped in.

"Cullen?" said the Herald.

"Inquisitor?"  
Cullen, figuring he looked like a slob, considering he'd just awoken, hurriedly got up and brushed himself off.  
She closed the door behind her.

"I thought you had left this morning?" he said.

"No um... I wasn't feeling too well so we decided to reschedule."

"Ah."  
The Inquisitor shook her head and looked around like she was trying to remember why she came in here in the first place.  
"Oh. Solas said he wanted to talk to you about something. He's busy with something so he asked me to tell you."

"Alright. I just need to finish up here."

The Herald went to the door, but Cullen stopped her with a question:

"What are you sick with? Do you know?"

Scarlett turned around and sighed. Her expression was alarmingly solemn.  
"I'm not really sick, to be honest."

"No?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Cullen's heart twinged, and he felt confused.  
"Of course."  
Cullen began to sort through the papers and was waiting for her to leave, but she didn't. She just stood there, and something must've been racking her brain because she kept pacing.

"Can I ask you sort of a personal question?"  
Cullen decided it was best to just quit the reports for now. Something was obviously bothering her.

"Mhmm."

"Do you have nightmares? I know you were at Kirkwall during the mage uprising and served during the blight."

He hesitated a bit, unsure of why she would ask that, and unsure if he wanted to tell her.  
"I... yes. More often than I'd like to admit."

"Are they weird?"

"Weird?"

"About... loved ones or things like that?"

Cullen took a moment to think. He can't remember the last time he'd ever had a nightmare that involved his siblings, or Margaery Amell... Most of his nightmares were giant pools of demons of all kinds, ripping people to shreds and spraying blood in every possible crick and corner. His finger twitched as he answered.  
"No... I can't recall."

"Oh. Okay... nevermind then."

"Are you alright, Sc- Inquisitor?"  
He asked without impulse, stepping closer to where she was hugging herself. She turned around and reached the door as she spoke.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You can talk to me, if... if that's okay with you, I mean. If it's not then-"

"I could."  
A weak, but genuine smile poked at the corners of her mouth when she faced him again.

"You... could?"

"Not about sappy, personal shit, but..."

"Something different?"

"Anything different."

Cullen looked down before slowly nodding.  
"Alright. What do you want to talk about?"  
He sat back down at his chair while The Herald perched herself upon the corner of the desk.

She pondered for a while before coming up with something.  
"What are your hobbies? What does a Commander like to do when he's not commanding?"

"Well, um..."  
In his mind, he scoured every possible pastime that he's ever done, but could only think of reading, chess and... fighting? If that could even be considered a hobby.  
"I enjoy chess from time to time."

"That's not surprising."

"I can't think of anything else... Is that bad?"

The Inquisitor laughed, "Maybe, but I'm sure you could find something else that you like."

"With how busy we are lately, I'm not so sure."

Cullen liked where this conversation was going, even with how simple it was. 

"What do you like to do?"

Cullen and The Inquisitor talked for at least another hour, just about the simplest things. It was getting very apparent that the distraction worked, for them both. They went from hobbies to fighting techniques, to their shared hate of Orlesians, which neither were sure afterward how the conversation led to that.

"I remember when my father and I were invited to one of their galas. I was seven, I think, and I hated every minute of it."

"Did you hate anything in particular?"

"Wearing a frilly dress was horrible, and the second worst would probably be the masks. I was so creeped out by them. I feel bad for the children who have to see their parents wear those pieces of shit."

"Now that I think about it... I can't ever recall going to a ball or party that wasn't about Templars," Cullen said.

"Lucky you, though I sure would like to see you in one of those ridiculous outfits." she started giggling again.

"With the tights? Maker, no." 

The laughter that filled the room was practically contagious. During her laughing fit, the Inquisitor must have placed her hand on the desk at some point to steady herself, because it startled Cullen a bit when he accidentally put his hand on top of hers. The giggling subsided and both looked at eachother, then to their hands, not really knowing what to do or how to react. Cullen felt a little disappointed when she suddenly took her hand out from under his.

"Um... We'll have to do this again sometime soon, Commander," she said.

"Yes, we should. I'd like that."

"I'll see you later, I'm sure."  
After that, the Herald left just like that, and Cullen declared it a miracle that not one soldier stepped in their conversation the entire time. When he looked back down at his desk, he groaned. Reading reports was the dullest task in Thedas compared to a long talk with Inquisitor Trevelyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, I'll post more now so...  
> Coming soon to an Ao3 fic near you---------Cole gets more involved in the shit and I'm so excited cuz he's my babaayyy


	15. Think About These Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole and Scarlett have a chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YASS here comes the precious cinnamon roll we all know and love

Perched upon the wall, overlooking the courtyard by the gate, Scarlett stared up at the stars which illuminated the dark sky. A chilly, but not entirely unpleasant breeze brushed over her every so often. It was the one night she decided not to go to the tavern.  
She didn't know why the feeling changed. She loved drinking, watching Bull, Sera or whoever involved in their own shenanigans.  
Maybe it was the talk with Cullen somehow... or the dream from last night?  
She heard a sort of whooshing sound come from behind her, and a few leaves blew forward.  
Scarlett turned around and saw Cole approaching.  
"Hi Cole."  
"Hello."

Scarlett wasn't too sure about this boy, but he seemed kind, selfless, and helpful, spirit or not.  
The way she saw Cole try and help the lady the other day assured something in Scarlett's mind that this strange individual wasn't here with harmful intentions. It genuinely seemed Cole was attempting to do exactly what he said he was: helping.

"It's a bit strange. No one usually remembers me, but now you do," he said.

Scarlett told Cole early on after that incident that he wouldn't make her forget him. She wanted to become friends with him, ask him about his unusual abilities. She couldn't do that if she was constantly forgetting him.  
"What are you doing here Cole?" she asked.

"You're troubled. An aching feeling, an ache, dragging and pulling and it's been there since you can remember. You can't get rid of it yourself. I know you don't like talking about it, but you should. People will listen to you, they want to, but they don't know. "

"I appreciate it Cole, but I don't need help that bad."

"Maybe you don't, but Bull may also have a point,"  
Cole's voice got very deep all of a sudden, like he was imitating said Bull, "There's something up. No one can be this tough for this long. How she acts like she's perfect all day doesn't make sense. If I ask, she might indulge a little."

"Is that what... he was thinking?" she said.

"Yes. He can see, and he wants to help. Not how I want to help, though."

Scarlett had an idea of what 'help' he meant, and like hell she wasn't going to ask.  
"Again, the gesture's nice, but I really don't need help."

Cole stared down at the ground doing nothing for about a minute before picking up a pebble on the ground. He sat next to Scarlett and fiddled with it in his hand.  
"Rough biting, quick, pinching touches. Not sure if I like it, but unsure of what to do otherwise. Does she love me? Do I love her? Hurting, confusing questions I can't answer-"

"Cole, stop."

"You think about these things a lot, but you don't have to."

"What do you think I should do instead?"

Cole dropped the pebble and let it fall to the ground.  
"Think about... Cullen."

Scarlett laughed, "Cullen?"

"...Yes."

"Why... Why Cullen?"

"He made you feel happy."

"Is that right?" Scarlett shook her head, but smiled.

"You know he does. He keeps you away from the thoughts that hurt you. When he told you that you can talk to him, a bright, comforting feeling. A natural feeling when the words left his lips. He doesn't know why, but he does at the same time. You do too."

"I..." she sighed.

"Safe and inviting, warm and right. This feels right. Her laugh is warm, her talk is inviting, presence is safe and touch is... right."

"You're making this way deeper than you realize, Cole. Cullen and I just had a talk and got to know eachother," Scarlett said as she picked up another pebble from the wall.

"Yes, you're right. You talked about normal things, but he still felt. You did also, less, but still felt."

"Felt?"

A long pause. Cole took the small pebble from Scarlett's hands and dropped it like he had done the other.  
What he said next Scarlett didn't hear. 

"What was that Cole?" Scarlett said.

"Let go and feel more. Warm, inviting, safe and right."

There was an idea in the back of Scarlett's mind. One she didn't want to think about. The little flirts she had with him would always be pounding at her head to be released, and Cole saw this. Best to leave it, forget it, and deny it.  
"Sounds like Cullen and I will be great friends, then."

Cole opened his mouth, but hesitated before actually speaking, "You will be great friends, but-"

"Exactly. I'll see you tomorrow Cole."

Scarlett hopped off the wall, but Cole stopped her.  
"Wait... Do you want to forget?"

She looked back at him and shook her head,  
"No, Cole. Don't make me forget."

She went towards the main hall and left Cole alone. He stood there for a while in the cool breeze, staring up at the stars overlaid against a black-colored sky before vanishing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll here-a chapter a day! That's probably not gonna last long tho...


	16. Lyrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions of a lyrium addict

Cullen tapped his fingers nervously on his desk, glaring down at the small box that lay on top.   
Maybe a week before, a million nerve-racking thoughts would've been racing in his mind, but it wasn't so anymore. He had a strong feeling that she'd be okay with it and accept it, no matter how much it hurt him.  
The door to his office opened and she stepped in with a curious expression.   
"You wanted to see me, Commander?"

"As leader of the Inquisition, you..." he sighed, "There's something I must tell you."

The Herald's face contorted, "You're being especially serious today."

"I know..."  
He took a deep breath, "Lyrium grants Templars our abilities, but it controls us as well."  
Cullen looked from her, to the evil little box again.  
"Those cut off suffer--some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here. But I... no longer take it."

Her voice surprised him, "You stopped?" It wasn't judgmental or filled with concern.

"When I joined the Inquisition. It's been months now."

"Cullen, if this can kill you-"

"It hasn't yet. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn't. I will not be bound by the Order or that life any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it."  
He looked back at her at was eased to see she was listening intently and saw none of the judgment he could have feared.  
"But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. I've asked Cassandra to... watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."

"Are you in pain? I've seen how withdrawal affects Templars before."

"I can endure it."

"Well, thank's for telling me. I respect what you're doing."

"Thank you, Inquisitor."

"But do you honestly believe you'll need to step down?"

Cullen had thought deeply about this too...  
"I pray that it won't be necessary, but whatever happens, if something happens, I will defer to Cassandra's judgment."

"It better not be necessary. I like you as our Commander."  
She's smirking, oh no.

"I... thank you," he said. This was a better reaction than he could've hoped for. 

 

 

Late that evening as Cullen was finishing up, one of the messengers came in with nothing but a tiny slip of parchment.  
"Who's it from?"

"I don't... It was in my hand..."

"Hmm."  
He took the paper from her hand and read it, "She understands lyrium. They wrapped the head in chains, but she can break them away..."  
Cullen had no idea what to make of this.

"You have no idea who it's from?"

"No sir. You don't either?"

He scratched his head and went down the list of possible senders. None worked, except...  
There was someone else, a little girl? No...  
A boy?  
"No... I feel as if there is someone, but I don't know who."

"You want me to just leave the message here?"

"Yes, and thank you. I'll tell you who I believe sent it if I can begin to comprehend what this even means."

"Yes sir."

Cullen read it again and again but still couldn't quite place his finger on what he was trying to remember.  
It was the tone of the letter that sounded so familiar, he knew he'd heard it somewhere...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you want, I really appreciate the feedback!! ♥


	17. You Flirt With Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett isn't as smooth as a fresh jar of skippy anymore

That same night, the tavern was busy and loud, just how Scarlett enjoyed it. She eagerly got herself a drink before hearing a thud. It was Iron Bull with a serving girl draped over his shoulder. Quite literally. He was actually carrying her up the stairs and presumably to his bedroom. Scarlett shook her head before taking a sip from her keg. That's when she spotted Varric and Sera in a corner, Varric motioning her with a finger. Sera was laying on her back on a table, head hanging off and swaying from side to side. Scarlett approached them with a questioning expression,  
"Varric."

He replied with something she hoped he'd forgotten about by now, "Lioness."

"No, don't"

"Lioness?" asked Sera, "That's daft."

"But I have an explanation and a pretty juicy one at that," said Varric.

"Let me hear. Heraldness did something embarrassing, didn't she?"

"You could say that."

Scarlett wasn't going to have this, "Varric if you tell her I will drag you out of this tavern by your ear and strangle you."

"So defensive! Why can't Buttercup have the tea?"

"Because..." she groaned, "She will march her ass up to his office and tell him before you can even finish the story."

But whatever attempt to keep Sera oblivious would've been in vain, "It's 'bout Cullen isn't it? I saw the helmet he keeps."

"Great."

"I know the way you look at him, your face lights up like a... uh..."  
All the blood that rushed to her head must've gotten to her because she suddenly decided to just roll off the table. She hit the ground a little harshly, but got up quickly and brushed herself off.

"Cullen and I are just friends. I don't know why everyone keeps teasing me about it."

"It's fun! High and mighty Inquisitors don't usually get all blushy, but you do!"  
After Sera spoke, the Commander walked in and Scarlett nearly choked on her drink.  
"Freckles, there he is!" Varric said, imitating a ten-year-old girl or something. 

Scarlett smacked him on the arm, "Don't talk about this anymore. You'll fuck it all up, Varric."

Cullen must've seen the Herald and them talking because he decided to drop by and say a super fucking convenient hello.  
In midst of her hitting Varric playfully, he approached and Scarlett didn't notice until Sera half-yelled half-singed, "Oh Cully Wully!"

"Fuck me!" she almost yelled when she saw him standing directly in front of her. She dropped her drink and it splattered all over their feet. She froze in place, one hand keeping her steady as she stood in a slightly unnatural pose.  
When she saw his face, she swore she'd never seen anyone more confused than he was in that moment.

"C...Cully Wully?" he asked, causing Sera to burst into a crying fit of laughter. 

Varric chimed in, "That's her nick-"  
Scarlett nearly shoved her hand into Varric's mouth so he'd shut the hell up.

"I... was only going to ask you about this."  
He held out to her nothing but a small piece of parchment before pulling it back.  
"But you appear busy, so-"

"No, I-"  
"Oh no, Curly. She's not busy," Varric interrupted too happily.

"Okay... but it's alright. I will speak to you in the morning about it."

"That'd be fine," she said as he stepped over to the bar and finally away from them.

Now she can kill Varric.  
"You're a little shit."

"So you've said."

"And I mean it."

Sera butted in, "Well, now we know you'll definitely see him tomorrow, won't you? You excited?"

Scarlett picked up the keg she dropped, "Thrilled."  
She began her ascent up the stairs, leaving Varric and Sera alone to laugh. Her goal was her quarters, where she'd go to sleep and hopefully forget all about this ordeal the next morning. She also hoped to not run into Bull on the way, Maker knows what he's doing with that serving girl still..  
When she got to the third floor, Cole suddenly appeared in front of her, almost making her fall down.  
"I'm sorry. You're not happy again."

"I'm annoyed, but I'll be fine Cole, thank you."

She opened the door to the outside but what Cole said next lured her back,  
"You flirt with everyone."

She turned to face him, "...I do flirt a lot."

"You say you flirt with everyone. Like Iron Bull. It's easy, emotionless but it's the exact opposite. For Iron Bull, but not for you."

"Flirting with a lot of people makes everything easier. No strings attached."

"That's not what you want."

"You're wrong about that one, Cole."

"You want it to be easy, so you can forget. Quick and rough, numbing nights. The easy numbs the pain, but only for a little while."

"Goodnight Cole," Scarlett said as she turned on her heel and walked out. She didn't need to listen to him anyway. He was wrong.  
This was the way it'd been for her always. This is how she likes it. Easy flirts that can be used and discarded at her whim.  
Cullen's just a phase. She flirts with him sometimes, sure, but she won't let it become this big, complicated ordeal if she can.  
Varric and Sera certainly aren't helping, though.  
Cullen and Scarlett are friends, and they'll always be friends, but nothing more.  
The flirting with isn't special, obviously.  
She flirts with everyone.


	18. A Simple Game

Scarlett woke up late with a small headache. The extra sleep wasn't enough to cure it, apparently. It was the early afternoon and she remembered she was going to meet the Commander to talk about... that thing, she couldn't recall. As she made her way to Solas's room so she could cut through to his office, Varric winked at her before she covered her face because obviously he didn't forget any tiny detail of what happened last night. The dwarf just laughed as she kept going. 

When Scarlett reached her destination, she knocked on the door but heard no reply.

So she entered curiously, and there was no Commander. Confused, she searched around his desk a bit, yet there was no sign of where he ran off to. They didn't have a war room meeting, did they? A messenger entered and saw The Inquisitor looking around,

"Inquisitor, if you're looking for the Commander. He's gone to the garden."

"The garden?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Did Cullen hit his head?"

The messenger laughed, "I don't believe so."

"Someone must be with him then. I can't imagine the same Cullen I saw yesterday would go to the garden for the hell of it."

 

* * *

 

"Gloat all you like, I have this one," said Cullen as a slow, cool breeze came over him, swaying the trees and plants in the garden from side to side.

"Are you... _sassing_ me, Commander?" Dorian smiled in amusement, "I didn't know you had it in you."

Why he agreed to abandon his duties for chess with _this_ man, he had no idea.

He was so caught up in the game he barely noticed The Inquisitor as she approached Dorian and him.

Cullen rolled his eyes, "Why do I even-- Inquisitor!"

As soon as his eyes met hers he nearly bolted from the chair, knocking a few pieces over, but her puzzled expression made him freeze in his tracks.

Dorian chuckled at Cullen's expense, "Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?"

Slowly, he positioned himself in the chair again and composed himself.

The Herald looked at Dorian and teased, "He's taking this rather seriously."

"He is, isn't he?" he said before moving one of his pieces, "You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You'll feel much better."

Cullen, on the other hand, smirked before saying, "Really? Because I just won, and I feel fine," and it was true, his final move made him the victor.

Dorian put both his hands up in defeat.

"Don't get smug. There will be no living with you," he said before leaving.

Now only Cullen and The Inquisitor were left. Figures he might as well offer her a game. He'd enjoy postponing his work a little while longer, "I should return to my duties as well... unless you would care for a game?"

Scarlett giggled a little before shrugging, "Alright. Prepare the board, Commander."

As she sat down, he couldn't help but begin a conversation. After their talk the other day, Cullen looked for openings to speak with the Inquisitor almost every day. Not about work or Corephyus or Red Templars, but about the normal, non-threatening things. He only hoped she enjoyed it as much as he did, which he realized may have been a bit too much. It seemed his mouth couldn't stop the words that came out he wanted to say them so bad,

"As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won--which was _all_ the time. My brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won. Between serving the Templar's and the Inquisition, I haven't seen them in years. I wonder if she... still plays," he finished his sentence with the moving of a piece.

"You have siblings?" she asked, and it occurred to Cullen that he never even told her.

"Two sisters and a brother."

"Where are they now?" She made a move, not a great one, he might add. It appeared she may not have played chess in a long time. Maybe he'd go a little easy on her...

"They moved to South Reach after the Blight. I do not write to them as often as I should," he got so caught up in talking he became distracted again, "Ah, it's my turn."

When he looked down at the board, he could've sworn a piece was on a space that it hadn't been before.

"You're about to relive those childhood defeats. This game is mine."

 

After a while and many moves later, the Inquisitor was trying to decide where to move next. Focused, she played around with the piece with her fingers before resting it on her bottom lip. Cullen's eyes followed the piece and ultimately found themselves in the same place. Her lips were a palish rose color and plump, but not that big. He wondered if they felt as soft as they looked...

Finally, she moved the piece, and Cullen decided to speak again,

"This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition, or related matters. To be honest I appreciate the distraction."

"We should spend more time together."

What he said next nearly caught in his throat he was so taken aback, "I would like that."

"Me too."

Cullen managed to avoid thinking out loud, but the thought went from his head and past his lips too quick to catch,

"You said that."

She stared at him with an expression he couldn't quite describe. He only hoped it wasn't a bad one.

"We should... finish our game, right. My turn?" he tried as best he could to focus on the game after that.

 

Cullen shouldn't be surprised, the Inquisitor's friends with Dorian. Of course she would cheat. She got away with it for a little while but the signs became clear towards the end. He moved his final piece in satisfaction, which declared him the winner.  
"Well, I believe the game is mine."

Her eyes grew wide and she studied the board in confusion, "Wait, what?!" 

"Dorian cheats at this as well," he laughed.

She sighed in defeat but smiled all the same as they began to reset the board.


	19. Vishante Kaffas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for----A day in the Exalted Plains w/ Cole, Dorian and Iron Bull

The mark still glowed bright green, pulsing as the rift finally exploded in front of them. The air settled, and the last trace that remained of a demon-spewing portal of hell was a small pile of ashes on the ground. Scarlett shook her hand as the pain subsided and turned to Cole, who took a hit from one of the demons and was currently wincing and playing with it. She went over to help him, but overheard an amusing conversation as she did so,

"Watch where you're pointing that thing!" said Dorian frantically.

Iron Bull laughed, "Dirty."

"Vishante kaffas! I meant your weapon!"

Scarlett mostly healed the wound on Cole's arm, but he needed a bandage...

"Can you stop flirting and lend me a hand here, Dorian?"

The look he gave her was priceless.

"That oaf is the flirt!"

"Just shut up and help me."

He went over to where they were standing and patched up Cole's arm, and Cole thanked them eagerly. He said something next that Scarlett didn't really understand, "The magic is kind, it helps, like you do."

Dorian stepped in, "Magic doesn't have feelings, Cole."

Cole touched his bandaged arm and smiled,

"No objects have feelings, but they make _us_ feel something. Perhaps a present, and it makes us happy, or a sweet, and it makes us hungry..." 

Cole continued on as the group trekked through the scorched, flat and nearly-lifeless grounds of the Exalted Plains.

 

Eventually, he reached a topic that definitely amused the other two party members...

"What about plants, Cole? Plants are living things, so do you hear them?" asked Dorian.

"Sometimes. It's not clear though, however. Dancing, small and light. Not like people. They whisper little noises, but don't speak words."

"Interesting..."

"That's why I like the garden, in Skyhold. The plants sing a nice song."

"You don't go to the garden very often though, Cole," said Scarlett.

"Not during the day. It's loud. People interrupt the flowers' song. Like you and Cullen."

"Li... What?"

"You and Cullen, you disturbed them. You liked talking to him, but you didn't know. The plants can't hear you either."

Dorian butted in, "You _enjoy_ talking to the Commander?"

"Cullen and I are friends. We enjoy spending time together."  
"I bet you do," Bull chuckled after he spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't have even a minuscule amount of attraction for our illustrious Commander?" said Dorian

Scarlett paused, "I didn't say that, but I'm sure you could say the same."

"Yes, guilty as charged, but I, unlike you, have little to no chance of ever getting _that_."

"Cullen's attractive, obviously, but I don't have the desire to marry the man and have ten babies."

"Alright then," Dorian laughed, and Scarlett only hoped the teasing wouldn't get worse from here.

 

After some more demon-slaying and more rift-sealing later, darkness approached and the party camped in the fens. The area that was recently cleared out for the Inquisition. 

Scarlett listened to the fire crackling as she attempted to scrape the dirt from underneath her nails. They were so filthy she wondered if she'd ever have clean fingernails ever again. No matter how much scraping she did, the dirt wouldn' t budge. She was so zoned out she barely heard that Cole was talking until he said,

"He doesn't know, doesn't want to, but he does. He enjoys it. Forbidden, unnatural, undesirable, but he enjoys it."

She probably should've listened to the first half of his thought, 

"Who are you talking about, Cole?"

"It's-"

Dorian crawled halfway out of his tent after she spoke, on his stomach, half asleep with his usually-perfect hair messed up at the front. Scarlett waited, but Cole didn't finish his reply...

"It's still nightfall. Why haven't you two gone to sleep?"

Bull dragged his way out of his tent to answer, also on his stomach, "Because boss doesn't want to share a tent with me again, for whatever reason."

"You rolled over too far and nearly suffocated me last night. I thought for a moment that I might die," Scarlett said.

Dorian groaned and tried to find a solution, "Well then, Cole can stay in Bull's tent tonight and Scarlett can stay in mine."

"No," Cole said, almost immediately. Odd...

"No?"

"No. I don't need sleep. Bull's loud anyway, it wouldn't be pleasant."

"You slept last night though, Cole?"

"No, I wandered around the camp, picked some flowers. I don't sleep."

"So what's your proposition then, Inquisitor?" said Dorian.

Scarlett thought about for a moment,

"How about this: we could alternate. You, Dorian, share a tent with Bull tonight and tomorrow we'll switch and I'll be with Bull."

"You're suggesting this only because you want _me_ to be smushed by the giant this evening?" 

"That is one reason."

He groaned but complied as he got up and went to Bull's tent.

"Awww, don't be disappointed. You like it." Bull said.

"I'll enjoy this as much as I would enjoy being swallowed by a rage demon."

Dorian climbed in and Scarlett tried very hard to suppress her laugh as they closed the tent flap. She swore she'd heard him gag, or something close to it,

"Vishante kaffas! Don't you ever bathe?"

"Sometimes. You want to watch, don't you?"

 "I'd rather stand upwind."

"Human sweat smells like pork that's been sitting in the sun. Just saying."

She laughed, and Dorian groaned again. This would be a rather interesting night.

 

As Scarlett was about to fall asleep in her tent, the most obnoxious sound in the history of Thedas pulled her back in: Bull's snoring. Dorian cursed before putting a spell on him so he'd stop. Scarlett couldn't imagine how the Qunari managed to sleep at all with how much noise he made. 

Another sound got her attention shortly after. A hum. Faint and soft, and far off in the distance. It sounded like Cole. She couldn't tell what song it was, or if it was a song at all and rather just a simple tune. but it was sure as hell better than the ear-aching snores that Bull produced. Maybe he was doing it to help them go back to sleep... A minute went by and she could confidently say that if that was the case, it definitely worked. She'd never fallen asleep so fast since she was a baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut is approaching in the near future


	20. Bull's Suggestion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck did Scarlett sign herself up for?

"An annoyance, a distraction, but he doesn't mind. He tells himself otherwise, but he knows," said Cole, kicking his legs against the stone wall faster.

Scarlett sat next to him as they looked over the sunny, snowy mountain-scape, highly intrigued.

"Cole, how long has this been going on?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. Their thoughts weren't so loud before, but they grew more noticeable over time. Now they think about eachother, lying awake, clutched breaths, conflicting thoughts, wondering if both will be together on the next journey."

Scarlett laughed, convincing herself that she was actually hearing this.

"Thank you, Cole. This is best blackmail material I've ever received."

"Dorian would not like you to blackmail him."

"If he knew a secret of mine I wouldn't like to be let loose, he better like it."

"I see, the feeling is the blackmail."

"Correct."

"Feelings are a powerful tool, too powerful. Do you know that?" he asked, and Scarlett was a little confused.

"Of course they are, they wouldn't be such a big deal otherwise."

"Is that why you don't show them? Or act on them? Like Dorian?"

Scarlett paused and took a breath, "Yes. It's better to ignore. If there's no gain, there's no pain."

"You're lying. That's not what you think."

Of course he sees that. Scarlett couldn't lie to Cole if she tried. It seemed like he always wanted to bring the topic of discussion back to her and her problems. A great reminder. She shook her head and tried to change the subject.

"Well, do either of them plan to act on this feeling? Dorian and Bull? The other night they sounded as if they were an old couple."

"No."

_Well, that was fast._

"No? That's disappointing."

Cole halted his kicking and looked off to the side. He was concentrating on something. 

"Iron Bull's thoughts are... currently preoccupied."

Preoccupied?

"What does that mean-"

"Hey, Red? You got a second?" Iron Bull approached, dragging away Scarlett's attention. 

"One moment, I'm talking to C..."

A gush of wind blows from behind her and she looks back, expecting to see the spirit still sitting on the wall, but Cole was gone. Why was she surprised?

"Talking to yourself?" he laughed.

Scarlett sighed, "Yes, obviously."

"Alright, you're free then. Come on, let's go somewhere more private."

Private? Scarlett didn't move as Bull started walking. It took a moment, but when he realized she wasn't following, he turned back and tossed his arms up.

"Come on?"

"...What are you doing?" she said.

"Just follow me, unless you're not up to it."

"Alright, fine."

 

Unsure of what to expect, she followed the Qunari until they reached one of the towers that littered the edges of the wall. When they entered, he closed the door behind her and it made Scarlett realize that this was his bedroom. Food littering an area of the floor by his bed, and an axe protruding from the bottom of the bed certainly said a lot about his character. She looked at him questioningly and was about to call him out before he spoke again,

"Okay, before you yell at me, I just want to tell you something."

"This better be good."

Bull looked away and bit his lip before beginning, "Back at the Plains, I noticed since we sealed that first rift there that you having been looking too good. On the way back, Cole said that thing, about your headache."

Scarlett shook her head, "Cole tends to care a little too much about those things."

"Did you have a migraine?"

"I get migraines... quite often."

"Do you know why?"

"...Stress, I believe. It's... getting better."

Bull almost laughed, "Is that right?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what is _really_ happening?"

"I don't know, the amount of work I have in a week is more than I've had in half my time at the Circle. The pressure to not only be the leader of the most famous organization in Thedas as of now but the Herald of Andraste?"

"Exactly," he stepped closer to her, and Scarlett wasn't sure if she was 100% with it, "I know you have a lot on your shoulders right now."

"What are you getting at?"

"I have a small proposition, a suggestion, maybe."

Scarlett didn't say anything but raised a brow to tell him she was listening.

"You're overwhelmed, I saw that clearly back at Haven and I see it now. I'm not the only one either. I know you're not the one to talk about your feelings or spill your heart out to someone, I'm not gonna make you do that. My idea is just the opposite."

Oh god, of course it'd lead to this. Scarlett wasn't going to let him have that moment, "You want to sleep with me to 'remove some of the weight off my shoulders' or something?"

"That's not all there is," He took a few steps closer and the air began to feel thin around them like it was getting harder for Scarlett to intake the air that surrounded them. 

"I've seen how you look at me. You're curious, aren't you?"

She'd be fibbing if she said she'd never thought about what it would be like to bed the Qunari. With everything he's said and everything she's heard, how could she not have? Even Dorian mother-fucking Pavus has thought about this. And as she thought, she concluded that the only thing restraining her curiosity at the moment was Dorian. She wasn't sure it'd be good to sleep with her friend's new crush,

"I am a little... but I can contain it."

His gaze on her was heavy, and his voice grew deeper, huskier, yet not verging on the edge of falseness or desperation,

"Do you want to, though?"

It was hard to say whether or not she wanted to. This man knew how to seduce, that was more obvious than anything, but still something didn't feel quite right.

"Instead I could help you... explore that ?"

Bull brought his face closer to hers, slowly maneuvering his hand around the dip of her waist and pulling her to him. Fuck it. If it's simply one and done, it can't hurt, right? Scarlett didn't need to think about it, for she already knew the answer as soon he started talking about her stress,

"Not now."

Puzzled, Bull pulled back a little, but still kept her close.

"Later, tonight. In my quarters. I'd rather not have sex in a bed with an entire pie under it."

They both looked over to Bull's bed which most definitely had a pie underneath to complement the rest of the food.

"What's wrong with pie?"

Scarlett gave him a look and he complied.

"Okay, that's fine..." he turned his gaze back to her and resumed the sexual persona, "Waiting for it will make the moment that I conquer you _that_ much better."

She placed a hand on his chest and pushed away a bit, "Don't get that idea. I won't be conquered by anyone."

Bull began to leave with a grin on his face, "You say that now, but you'll disagree tonight, I guarantee you."

He closed the door that led to the tavern behind him, leaving Scarlett alone in the room to process what she'd just agreed to.

As she turned her thoughts back to what Cole said just a few minutes before, Scarlett decided she would probably need to use that blackmail material very very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this smut coming soon will be better than the first one. May take a while for it to get here though because I think the next chapter's going to be the longest of them all so far.


	21. Cutting Loose (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's off to ride the Bull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may not actually be complete shit so let's see how this goes

Scarlett wasn't sure what time she should go to her quarters, or if she should go at all. She hadn't seen Iron Bull all day since they talked, so, during the early evening, she went to the tavern to investigate his whereabouts, assuming he was probably in the tavern. To her surprise, there was no Bull. He wasn't at the bar or in his normal chair, but the chargers were there. 

He might already be waiting for her.

Oh Maker.

She wasn't nervous. Bull may be the... strangest partner she's agreed to take on, but the man he was or the reputation he gathered didn't intimidate her one bit. 

Well... maybe a little... but only because of how much of a beast he is.

Though this probably happened with anyone that slept with him that wasn't Qunari, everything that involved size was a little daunting to think about.

She creaked open the door to her quarters, half expecting to see Bull there, but didn't. Up the stairs she went, and not a single noise. Scarlett began to wonder if he was in her quarters at all until she made it to the top and turned around.

On her bed sat the eight-foot Qunari, hand perched on his thigh and an expression on his face that Scarlett couldn't describe.

"I almost started to think you wouldn't come," he moved at a slow pace, eyes transfixed on her own with an impish hunger to them.

"Neither did I."

It didn't take long before strong arms enveloped her and lips nearly met her own, but she pushed him away for a moment,

"Two things before we do this."

"Alright."

"A, nothing too crazy. I don't want to see forty pieces of... equipment flying around my face."

Bull smiled, "Easy, only brought three."

"and B... we're only doing this once."

"Fine with me," he breathed as he pulled her close again, but this time sliding his arm lower until he had a firm grip on her ass.

"Permission to begin?"

She nodded and almost immediately his lips were on hers, warm and smoother than she was expecting. He lifted her up by her thighs and carried her to the bed without a moment wasted. When she felt her back land on the soft sheets, her shirt had already been thrown to the side and her trousers were about to join. Bull paused a few seconds to strip himself of the little clothing he wore, not taking his eyes off of Scarlett. 

"You got so many freckles," he said as the pants came off, leaving him only in his small undergarments.

"So I've been told."

As she was about to sit up, Bull pushed her down and made quick work of her breast band and smalls. When she expected him to start going for it, he reached underneath the bed and pulled out two long pieces of cloth.

More slowly and a bit more sensually, he tied up both of her wrists and pinned them at the headboard before tying another knot at the back. Now her hands were bound and she was at his will.

"This is okay?" he asked, checking each knot to make sure it wouldn't come loose easily.

"Yeah," Scarlett said, nearly breathless. Everything seemed to happen so fast she could barely process it. Then he studied her again and she felt that vulnerable feeling that you always feel at some point when sleeping with a new person. This feeling was elevated, though, with not only all her skin bare but her hands tied. 

"Listen. I want you to relax. You don't have to do a thing, I don't want you to do anything other than lie there and let me do all the work. I'm the one in charge right now. Understand?"

She wasn't used to being given orders. Not in bed, not ever, but this felt okay, a bit strange, but okay. Right now, it was okay to not be the one leading.

"Mhm."

Bull looked up and down her body one more time before getting up and walking to the side of the bed. He pulled out a small bottle with some liquid in it, also while grabbing a towel. Lube? He stood over her again, lifting her up by her hips to place the towel underneath her before pouring a small amount of the liquid in his palm, lathering it on his other hand. 

Scarlett let out an unsteady breath as he took her calves in his hands and began to massage her legs.

"Don't ask questions. I don't want you to talk. Talk only when I give you permission, unless you feel uncomfortable, or want me to stop."

His grip moved from her calves slowly upward, covering every inch of her legs in the slick liquid all the way to her hips. When he turned his attention to her inner thighs she had to bite back a small groan. His huge hands knew how to knead and work through skin. Bull stopped to lube his hands a bit more before moving on to her stomach. Scarlett noticed his movements were so much more gradual, measured than when they first started. Like he was almost counting the freckles on her belly button after he took his hands from there. Each part of her body he made sure he felt thoroughly until it turned into putty in his grip. 

He suddenly leaned down and kissed the gap between her breasts and she was barely able to stifle the moan that almost broke through. 

"Don't hold them back. I want to hear you."

That wasn't difficult. He took one of her hardened buds between his lips and Scarlett finally let out a groan. His tongue moved in long, languid circles before he stood back up, much to Scarlett's dismay. Luckily his mouth was swiftly replaced by his lubed hands, thumbs teasing and swiping each bud gently, almost tortuously. She pulled against her restraints, wanting to grab his arms and press them down harder, but she knew it wasn't that easy. After another minute of massaging her torso, Bull gave a quick warning before flipping her over on her stomach. She couldn't really see what he was doing very well now, but the hands that began sliding up and down her back felt so good she couldn't help but close her eyes and give in to his touch. 

How long has it been since she's had a decent massage like this? Scarlett couldn't remember.

Bull found a knot near where her neck met her shoulder and worked that area until it loosened.

"Ah, _shit_ ," she said before realizing, and immediately felt a hand on her ass, hard and fast. 

She almost yelped in surprise, but Bull started talking, "I didn't say you could talk. Moan all you like, but don't speak."

Scarlett couldn't help but laugh.

"What if I like-"

_Smack_

She moaned, feeling a rush of wetness from between her legs

"Fuck, do that again."

_Smack_

_Smack_

He grabbed the area he just hit and kneaded it like he did with her back. She liked how that felt, so she didn't speak again. Bull didn't spend a lot of time on her ass before flipping her over again. 

Now she could see his face, eyes hooded and dark, filled with lust. She assumed hers probably looked the same. His fingers trailed downwards and to the area just above her center, where he teased going further before pulling away and returning his attention to her inner thighs. What came next was just a repeated cycle of teasing. Edging so close to where Scarlett wanted to be touched, but not quite getting there. Wet fingers feeling everywhere around but never going in.  His gaze moved from her core to her face, reveling in the fact he's made her throb with desire without even touching her most sensitive area. She wanted to hate him for the satisfaction he's getting but was too far gone to think about it for long. 

When he finally did touch her he glided his middle finger lightly across her opening, feeling the slickness she'd secreted. Scarlett nearly growled when his hands completely abandoned her body altogether. 

"You want me to touch you?"

His tone was so deep and musing she felt herself become wetter just from the sound alone.

"Yes, Bull!"

"Or should I make you wait, since you didn't obey me earlier?"

"Come on, please."

He smirked while wiping some of the lube off his hands and onto the towel. "You'll be good?"

Fuck, he was enjoying this way too much. Scarlett was too turned on to care, though, "Yes, I won't talk again."

She all but begged before Bull grabbed both of her legs, spreading them open wide, "Alright then."

Two of his fingers returned to her center, teasing the entrance. It was light, but still gave her some of the friction she needed.

They rubbed in slow, back in forth moments that made Scarlett lean her head back and close her eyes. She didn't see him change positions, only focusing on the gentle movements of his fingers, so when she felt his tongue slide across her bundle of nerves she yelped and her eyes shot open. When she saw his eyes piercing into hers in return she leaned back down and moaned again. His hands moved to her legs to keep them spread while his mouth continued to taste, kiss and lick her clit steadily and with so much skill she definitely understood what all the fuss was among the serving girls.

She was already so turned on from the massage, so wet from his teasing she already felt herself start to come undone with each concentrated movement of his tongue. Her hands pulled on her restraints, wanting so desperately to be loose so she could grip onto his head, or horns, or whatever she could grasp. Even the bed sheets would suffice. The pace of his tongue grew quicker, and he applied just that much more pressure to have Scarlett was moaning so loudly anyone in the courtyard could possibly hear.

As her orgasm grew nearer, she heard the soft sound of cloth ripping and looked up to see her wrists were red as her hair and the bindings were starting to rip at the seams. She glanced back down to see if Bull had noticed, only to see his eyes were still locked on her own, which sent her over the edge, nearly screaming as her back arched off the bed. 

His actions slowed until she started to come down from her high, which is when he stood back up again. 

He laughed and licked his lips, "You're louder than I expected."

"No shit," she barely got out in between her uneven breaths. 

Bull rubbed his fingers against her opening again before easing one of them in, pumping slowly. 

This made her realize how much bigger his fingers were than an average mans'. When he added a second one, she groaned and he curled them both ever so slightly as they delved in deeper. 

Then he tried to add a third, and as it passed the lips of her entrance she winced, making him pull out, "Did that hurt?"

"A little."

He raised them to his mouth and sucked her juices off them one by one. Scarlett glanced down and saw the undeniable bulge that was practically screaming to be released from its confinement. As if on cue, he finally pulled his smalls off and his cock sprung free, hard and bigger than anyone she's ever seen. 

If his fingers felt big...

Maker help her.

Before she had the chance to examine him like she wanted she was flipped over again. She heard him rubbing more lube in his palm and then hands were on her center again, teasing, delving inside, only to tease some more. 

"Get on your knees and put your hands on the headboard."

She didn't protest, but soon realized her knees were basically jelly at this point, and wrists slightly sore from pulling at the cloth. Speaking of the cloth, it was so loose she didn't even need to use a fire spell to burn it and release her. One more strong tug and her arms would be free. She didn't know how Bull would react, though, and he didn't appear to check the state of the restraints, so she stayed put. Scarlett hardly felt like doing anything anyway after he put his fingers inside her again. With the lube, three fingers this time almost felt like nothing. She wanted more.

Bull groaned, slowing the movements of his hand. She thought he might be lubing his cock.

He pressed his tip against her entrance, tormenting her with soft strokes that made her whimper and whine.

"Tell me what you want."

He was going to try and get ever last plead and beg out of her if he could.

"You inside me."

She could tell he was getting impatient with his own game. His own desire overtook him as he slipped inside her slowly, paying attention to her body's reactions.

"Good girl," he breathed as he pushed into her as deep as he could go before sliding out, thrusting in and out and quickly forming a steady pace. 

Scarlett's head felt dizzy and she couldn't concentrate on how good his cock felt because the words kept pounding in her head.

_Good girl_

Her fingers on the headboard started to shake, but she willed herself against it. No, she couldn't focus on that now. She needed to relax. This is Bull, this isn't in the Circle nor is he who she associates those words with so well. 

The last thrust was hesitant. Of course this Ben-Hassareth can see she's troubled.

"Are you okay?" he asked, running his hand down her back soothingly. Like he was trying to comfort her.

She hoped he wouldn't see through her lie, "No, no, I'm fine. Haven't had sex with a man... in a while so-"

He almost pulled out completely, cutting herself off with her own moan.

"You sure?"

"Mhm. Keep going."

Obviously, he didn't mind that answer at all. Bull thrust back in, long but harder, hitting that spot inside of her that caused her toes to curl. After that he was relentless. All the teasing got to his senses and it made his self-control dwindle into his pool of lust and desire.

Each timed he pumped his cock into her his motions became more and more carnal, increasing speed as he moved harder, growling and groaning. His hands gripped her hips so hard she thought there might be a bruise tomorrow. Scarlett did all she could not to curse and stick to her other noises which, at this point, if the people in the courtyard didn't hear her, they were probably deaf. She could've sworn she'd cussed a few times, but Bull hardly seemed to notice, lost in how tight and wet she was around his cock.

The way it twitched inside her told her he was close. She felt herself climbing there too, but knew she probably wouldn't get there again. That is until he reached around her hip and began rubbing the little bundle of nerves as hard and as fast as he was pounding into her. She cried out, gripping the headboard as hard as she could and felt Bull finally spill himself inside her. He didn't stop the speed of his hand, though, and soon after he was spent she felt herself crash over those familiar waves, and dissolve into nothing in his hands. 

For a moment, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing... but there was something else. A crackling noise?

It wasn't until Bull said, "Shit," did she look up and saw that where her hands were on the headboard were currently on fire. The cloth binding her arms was gone, probably burned to bits. he quickly slid out of her as she calmed the flames down with an ice spell, seeping coldness into the air, which made her and the bed feel much colder than just a moment ago. The sweat that covered both of their bodies helped them not be so freezing. Scarlett couldn't help but laugh as she collapsed on her back. Bull still looked surprised, but laughed with her all the same.

"Does that happen often?" he said, touching the spot where the ice was beginning to fade, revealing a crumbling, blackened spot in the headboard with two not so mysterious handprints to compliment.

"Sometimes. I can't recall the last time it happened, however."

She lied there in contentment, with Bull not far, for a few minutes after, waiting for their breathing to steady and their highs to completely come down. Bull rested himself beside her and then looked around the room.

"You got any wine in here?"

 

 

Two minutes later they were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, a soft fur blanket covering their bodies and a glass of wine in each of their hands.

The silence between them was comfortable, but Scarlett couldn't help breaking it,

"You're pretty happy with yourself, aren't you?"

Bull didn't look at her directly, but scrunched his eyebrows,

"What do you mean?"

She took a sip before putting the glass down next to her,

"You did it, you finally conquered the all high and mighty Inquisitor. That's what you wanted even before."

Scarlett thought of the time in the tavern back at Haven and Bull's drunk self getting way in over his head. She didn't think she'd even have to spell it out for him. 

"I didn't have sex with you just to get some... trophy out of it, or whatever."

She didn't completely believe that, "Really?"

"No. Mainly because I thought about how you reacted when we talked, you know, after Haven went to shit."

"I was just overwhelmed then more than anything, I think."

"Maybe, but I can feel your frustration. Not just in how you fight, but how you act. Sometimes you need to just... cut loose."

He was right, of course. There was more than he knew, though. He just wasn't going to say anything.

"I suppose releasing frustrations in ways other than killing have been difficult to find... as of late."

"I wasn't even going to try anything on you, honestly. I figured you would find help once you realized you needed it. That and... those things Cole said, back at the plains, not just the migraine thing, but about Cullen..."

Cullen? Why would he...

"That’s not a problem. The commander and I aren't together. I don't know why everyone keeps teasing me about it."

"I know you're not a thing, but you at least care about him. He cares for you too."

Scarlett shook her head. She wasn't going to flat out deny it, but she didn't want to accept anything like that right now either.

"Maybe he does, but it doesn't change anything. I can never fully accept him, and he can't accept me," she paused to down the rest of her wine, "It sounds like some silly story Varric would write about, doesn't it? Except this isn't a story. This is real life. People like him and I don't work, Bull, and it's difficult to even imagine."

Bull looked at her like she had walked herself into what he was going to tell her next, 

"And neither you or he know how to react because of that. You may not even see it, but anyone paying attention can."

Now she wished she hadn't drunk the last bit, because she felt like she needed it more now. As she sat there in, trying to process what he said, she remembered something. 

_People like him and I don't work_

Who else, by society's standards, doesn't work?

"That reminds me... Why don't you indulge me on something?"

"Alright," he brought the wine to his lips again.

"Tell me about this little... infatuation you've developed for our favorite Tevinter mage."

The wine he just swallowed he almost choked on.

"How did you-"

"Someone in our party is a very good source for juicy secrets."

Bull thought about it for a moment before seeming to get it.

"Okay, we're not talking about that."

"We just discussed my whole situation the least you could do is spill some information of yours."

Bull grumbled, "It's... complicated."

"Yes."

"And I honestly don't know what's happening."

"Don't tell me you've slept together or this will be weird."

"No, no," he chuckled, "The opposite. He acts all proud, never _says_ he's interested. But the body language, the way he gives me long, side glances that last for minutes at a time tell me otherwise."

"And that's why you don't let up? On the flirting?"

"I don't know if he hates it or wants me to keep going."

"Or both?"

They laughed, then Bull sat up, finishing the last bit of his drink,

"You could ask him. You two are good friends now, right?"

Oh no, that'd end very badly. If Dorian even find out Scarlett knew it wouldn't be pretty.

"I think he'd rather jump off my balcony than tell anyone."

"Perhaps."

He put the glass down before getting up, "This was fun. Shame we can't do it again." 

His clothes, scattered around the bed soon made their way back on his body and Scarlett had the urge to put hers on also, but then remembered there's no need. This is her room and it's nightfall, anyway. 

Bull sighed, resting his hand on the railing.

"Have a good night, boss."

"Goodnight," she said as he went downwards. 

After the door closed behind him, she thought she'd heard him speak. To himself or to someone she couldn't say. She hoped it was to himself. Scarlett looked at the empty glass in her hand, then to her bed and the headboard that was now ruined beyond repair, probably. How she was going to tell Josephine she needed a new bed without mentioning why she didn't want to think about right now. That was one of the many issues that could wait till morning.


	22. Choking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets don't really stay secrets in Skyhold

When she woke up the next morning, every limb in her body felt rejuvenated. Any tenseness that formed in her muscles or stiffness in her bones would be gone for the day, and for that, she was very grateful.

Other than that, it was hard to say whether it was entirely worth it. Scarlett felt like something just wasn't right with what happened last night, which didn't make any sense. She'd had dozens of one-night stands, but this one stood out from the rest. She thought maybe it was because of what he said that reminded her of Nerianna, but that couldn't be the reason. People said things like that all the time, but it never affected her then like it did last night. Overall, though, Bull did succeed. That night's sleep was the best Scarlett had in a long time. Overall, she was slightly glad she accepted Iron Bull's request. What she wasn't glad about was the sly side glance that Varric gave her after she left her quarters. 

"Yes, Varric?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Freckles, right?"

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just raised an eyebrow and moved on. 

 

    Scarlett went to the kitchens and got herself a warm tea to start what she was hoping would be a mostly relaxing day, and planned to talk to either Cassandra or Cole, someone who probably wouldn't tease her about what happened last night, but on her way to the courtyard, an early war room meeting was called. Probably because Leliana's people located the missing Seekers. Cassandra was going to be pleased. 

  
As she approached, she heard either Leliana or Josephine snicker from the other side of the door. Her advisors all greeted her when she walked in and got down to business as usual, but there was an unnatural grin on Leliana's face that just wouldn't go away, and it made Scarlett suspicious. She didn't care though, she just focused on her nice cup of tea.   
After Josephine and Cullen finished up with their reports, Leliana got Scarlett's attention before they called an end to the meeting.

"Can I ask you something, Inquisitor?"

Scarlett laid the cup down gently, "Okay?"

"Do you feel... better?"

She immediately knew what her spymaster was trying to make her do. Damn Nightingale knew everything that went on in these castle walls, of course she couldn't avoid telling her.

"Better? I haven't been injured recently."

Leliana put down her papers and that smirk came back to her face, "It's simply, you seem more... awake than when we usually have early meetings. Do you know why?"

From the look on Cullen and Josephine's faces, they had no idea what Leliana was getting at, but they didn't pay much attention, consumed in their own work.

"Maybe I just had a better night's sleep. Why do you ask?"

Scarlett took another long sip of her tea because damn did she need it if this conversation was heading where she thought it was.

Josephine was invested now as Leliana tried to act busy again,

"Oh, I was only wondering why I saw... a certain... IronBullleaveyourquarterslastnight."

 

She choked.

The tea wanted to go down the wrong way and almost came from her nose and Scarlett coughed over and over again.

Josephine was laughing, eyes wide and glancing from Scarlett, the heaping mess of an Inquisitor to Leliana, who was very proud of herself, surely. Cullen, whose attention was definitely caught, looked like he wanted to disappear. It all made sense, though. The person Bull was talking to was probably Leliana, and if not, one of her messengers that went to tell their Nightingale right after. 

Leliana didn't even say it exactly, but every soul in the room understood what _Ironbullleavingyourquarterslastnight_  meant. 

It almost took a whole minute for her to stop coughing, and when she finally did, she knew she couldn't say anything to revive from this mess,

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

Her spymaster shook her head, "Maybe not."

To Scarlett's surprise, Cullen was the one to step in next,

"Can we move on to _related_ matters now, or are we done here?"

"No, I think this is what we're talking about now," said Leliana, causing the Commander eyes to roll.

She gave Leliana a look, one to tell her that she can't talk about this now with certain people in the room. Thankfully, she shut up.

 

* * *

 

    Why Cullen was in the courtyard with Cassandra, hitting the dummies over and over with his sword, he couldn't say. He felt the urge, and that was all it took. Cassandra didn't ask why either, only glad about Leliana's people finding the missing Seekers, it seemed.

For a little while, he trained like he usually did, controlled strikes, not too hard either, so as not to damage the dummy very much. Over time though, with each time he struck, the more force he put in until there was a noticeable difference between the way he and Cassandra were fighting. She stopped for a minute, wondering why he was so angry all of a sudden. 

"Um, Cull-"

The dummy head was gone, and Cullen finally realized how hard he was hitting. He dropped the blade and wiped his sweat-drenched forehead. 

"Are you alright, Commander?" said Cassandra, who had also put down her weapon.

Cullen wasn't sure of the answer himself, "Y-yes. I believe so."

"Is the pain worse today?"

Oh, right. The withdrawal...

Strange, he'd hardly thought about that at all this morning. How could it be the reason for this though? When the pain kicks in, all he typically wants to do is curl into a ball in his office until the memories go away and the pain recedes. 

"I can't say..."

Cassandra took off her gloves and breastplate,

"Well, if you need something, do come speak with me later. I'm going to clean up."

 

Cullen wasn't sure what to do after she left other than work, which he really didn't feel like doing now, so he went to sharpen his sword since the armory wasn't far anyway. As he walked to one of the grindstones, he saw Iron Bull with one of his chargers, a dwarf that Cullen didn't know the name of. He automatically didn't want to be in there anymore, but the Qunari called his name as he was about to turn around and leave. 

"Can we use the shields again? You wanted me to tell you the next time we-"

"Do whatever you want, just bring them back when you're done."

The dwarf spoke up, "Someone's in a sour mood today."

"If that isn't every day," said Bull, "Thanks, Cullen."

Cullen didn't waste any time in leaving after that, rushing up to his office so he can bury himself in his work because ultimately, that'd be the only way he can forget about whatever is bothering him so much. He wasn't going to bother to watch what Bull was doing with the shields. There was something in him that didn't even want to look at the Qunari right now. 


	23. Surprise From Ostwick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People from the past have come back, but to do what exactly?

Back to the Storm Coast. Words Scarlett hoped she wouldn’t have to hear again, at least for a while. She, Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric journeyed there only because of a bird that delivered Leliana a torn letter in the middle of the night. The handwriting was messy and hardly legible, but with help, she was able to read most of it. It said very little, but enough to grab attention. An Inquisition camp by the rocky waters of the Storm Coast had been ambushed by Venatori. Now, the soldiers that were there were being held hostage in a cave nearby. The Inquisition needed to aid them or else, and the rest was either torn up or the ink had bled. Multiple things were odd about this situation, causing Scarlett and the advisors to wonder. Nevertheless, the party went to investigate.

 

As they tracked through the mud and rocks, Cassandra brought up a point the advisors had addressed earlier,

"Why would Venatori bother to take prisoners from one camp? Don't they know we have hundreds of others?"

Dorian shrugged, "Perhaps they grew bored of the usual killings and sacrifices. Thought they might try something new?"

"You think they'd be this bored to go through the trouble?" Scarlett asked, but didn't object. Dorian knew more about these cultists than her. No matter how weird it may seem.

"I don't know. I'm just as baffled as the rest of you," he sighed, "But if you want my honest opinion: even if they are expecting us, they've probably already done something to them. If they're not dead, they might wish they were."

The mood grew solemn, and no one spoke after that. Especially when they approached the camp where the ambush had supposedly took place, though it didn't appear so.

It was abandoned, but every torch that hadn't been put out by the rain was still lit, lanterns still burned and nothing was burned, destroyed or otherwise damaged. The camp was practically untouched. The only off-putting thing you could see on the outside was the dried bloodstains covering an assortment of items, which were quickly washing away from the sea air.

Varric checked a perfect barrel, which still had plenty of useful supplies, and scoffed,

"Did they decide to clean up after the ambush or something?"

"I don't see why they'd bother. Especially if the Venatori want us to come after them," said Dorian, feeling a spot of dried blood on one of the tables. It wiped off with just a few strokes of his thumb. 

Scarlett noticed, "The blood couldn't have been recent. We received the letter four days ago."

"Who knows. I won't be surprised at anything at this point," Dorian looked over to where Cassandra was.

She peered inside one of the tents before quickly bring her head back out, "We have a casualty here."

The rest of the party approached the tent, then Scarlett went first to see the damage. Yes, there was a dead Inquisition solider, but you could've mistaken him for sleeping. It wasn't until Scarlett scooched closer did she see a thin and dark line tracing his throat, but there was no blood. It almost seemed like she was observing the scene of an assassination the kill was so clean. 

"Venatori aren't always so pristine with their killings, right Dorian?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. It could depend on circumstance, though I don't know what those circumstances would be."

 

The group didn't spend long at the camp before seeking out the cave, which was only half a mile far. 

There was clear signs of Venatori there. One mage with a spear through the heart lay on a rock near the entrance. This blood was definitely recent and was still dripping from the wound. That scene in itself was just as confusing as their situation. Were the Inquisition soldiers able to kill one of their captors as they were taken hostage? It didn't make sense unless these were stupid and weak Venatori, which were usually weren't weak and very rarely stupid, coming from Tevinter anyway. Scarlett may have just been looking too deeply into this. It didn't matter though, since their answer was just inside, past the layers of darkness and stone.

Cassandra unsheathed her sword and took her shield from her back, nearly hitting Varric in the face in the process.

The dwarf brought Bianca out and gave her a look, "Careful Seeker, don't get all worked up on me."

"I'm am not worked up, certainly not on you. We don't know what we'll find in here."

Scarlett went in first, drawing fire from her hands to make what light she could. She didn't need her staff for many simple spells like this. 

As they delved further, she saw there were torches to light, of course, so she and Dorian were the only hope that they could see at all in this place. Scarlett hated caves. She'd never been in one since she became the Herald, but once she went in and came out the first time, she'd never want to go back. Maybe it was her small amount of claustrophobia or all the darkness and unknown. She felt her feet step in puddles, plants and something else Maker knew what it was and all she wanted was to find what's left of the soldiers and get out. 

She turned a corner and saw small patches of yellowish orange began to appear a not too far away. Scarlett walked faster, not really caring about all the noise she was making by stepping in the puddles. The light grew brighter and warmer with each step until her party found themselves at a door. She glanced at Cassandra when she placed her hand on the wood, and the Seeker replied with a nod. Gripping her staff, she pushed the door open but didn't see what any of them were expecting. 

 

    When on the other side they thought there'd be Venatori mages with knives at Inquisition soldier throats, there were Templars, five or six, lying on the ground, bloodied and bruised, but still breathing. In the back of the room, there was a pile of dead Venatori, with a few dead Inquisition soldiers around them. 

"Finally," one spoke, groaning as he tried to sit up straighter, "We didn't think anyone would come."

Scarlett stepped closer to assess the damages, and that's when she recognized the man. That scar on his forehead, long, black hair the same color of his eyes and the wrinkled cheeks had always been burned into her memory. She froze where she stood quickly glancing around the room.

She realized she must know half the men in here from the Circle

"Templars? What are you doing here?" the Seeker asked, kneeling in front of the knight.

He was clutching his stomach, just near the end of his breastplate. The wound was deep and bloody, judging by the amount of blood soaking his palm. 

"Lord Seeker Lucius sent a few groups of us here a week ago. Thought it was another normal mission, but it turns out we were being sent out for slaughter."

"By the Lord Seeker? Why?"

Another one stepped in, one of the few that was able to stand, "He'd been speaking of betrayal not long before. Swore to us that he wouldn't waste his time with traitors. He must've thought we weren't loyal enough to the cause."

Scarlett saw a hole in this story she couldn't ignore,

"Are you not Red Templars? I thought Corypheus corrupted the lot of you."

The one with the scar examined her after she finished. Like he was seeing an old friend for the first time in years. Except Scarlett never saw him as a friend.

"I know you," he said.

"I'd be surprised if you didn't. Herald thingy, Inquisitor and all that."

The Templar suddenly had the strength to stand and step closer to her, "Lady Trevelyan of Ostwick, first to Senior Enchanter Lydia."

"I see your memory hasn't failed you yet, Knight Captain Davin."

"That's Knight Commander to you now," his tone was almost threatening.

Meanwhile, the rest of the party was very confused. 

Varric most of all, "What?"

"I was positioned at the Ostwick Circle for many years. So was Ser Finnegan here," he pointed to one of the men on the ground, "Ser Colgan and Ser Ward. I'm sure the Inquisitor remembers us, especially me, _very well_."

Scarlett turned away from him, "Too well I'm sure."

She moved to the pile of dead Venatori, awaiting an explanation from them. 

"Ah, of course. You see, we never intended to be involved in this... debacle. We came in while your men were being held hostage. We attempted to free them, but the Venatori outnumbered all of us with your men combined." 

There was something about the urgency that could have made someone believe him, but the disinterest in his tone that hid behind his words made Scarlett think otherwise.

"We tried to save them, we really did, but-"

"Are all the soldiers dead?" Cassandra asked.

"There should be one alive. He escaped in the middle of the fighting."

Dorian stepped in, "Perhaps he was the one we saw at the camp? The one that wrote the letter?"

"So you met him?" The Knight Commander raised a brow.

Varric sighed, "Met his corpse, if that even counts."

Cassandra took one of the weaker Templars and steadied him so he could walk,

"We should take them back to Skyhold. Cullen could find some use for them."

Help them? Bring them to Skyhold? If Davin was still anything like he was when Scarlett was in the Circle, that couldn't happen.

"Couldn't they be Red Templars? How do we know they're telling the truth?"

"I agree," said Dorian, "We shouldn't accept these Templars so eagerly. We only just met them."

Davin scowled at Dorian, "I've known Lady Trevelyan longer than anyone in here, I assure you."

"All the more reason to take her word rather than yours."

The Knight Commander didn't say anything else, instead choosing to help one of the other Templars.

Cassandra began to head toward the exit, "You're not simply going to leave them here, are you?"

They would be fine on their own.

"I...guess not. I better not regret this, though. Davin?"

He smirked, following the Seeker, "I doubt you would, My Lady."

"Don't call me that," Scarlett ordered, helping Varric with one another wounded man. The last two were able to walk on their own. 

The journey through the rock and slush was much longer and more annoying than when they first came in. Especially since Davin couldn't shut up about the Circle, and how oh so well he and the Inquisitor got along in her younger years. Oh if they knew what kind of person he really is, or what the truth really was.

"You know, Scarl-Your Worship, you seem to have lost that... _gentleness_ and _delicacy_ I remember so well."

"Good. I don't like being delicate."

"But I do recall everyone appreciating it more when you were soft and polite-"

"I don't care what they did or didn't appreciate. Most of 'everyone _'_  is probably dead right now."

Varric laughed, "I can't imagine Lioness ever being gentle or soft about anything."

Davin bit his lip, "There was a time, dwarf."

"I think the Herald is doing perfectly fine being herself," Cassandra said with a huff. Maybe she was as annoyed as Scarlett was with all this stupid talk about what she _was_.

"Thank you, Cassandra."

 

    The rest of the journey to the nearest, non-abandoned camp was rather peaceful once the Knight Commander started feeling light-headed from his wounds. When he finally fainted from loss of blood, Scarlett was only relieved that Dorian took up the responsibility of carrying him and healing him just enough to reach their destination. 

She had a bad feeling though. If this simple hike was bothering her, what would things be like when they returned to Skyhold? What would Cullen do with these men? Accept them as Inquisition soldiers, if they were up for it? That'd be a nightmare. A complete and utter nightmare.


	24. A Bad Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Scarlett have another talk, but things don't always go the way they want.

Cullen couldn't see why the Inquisitor thought adding Templar's from Ostwick was a horrible idea. Sure, no one knew what their true intentions were, but after they all introduced themselves to the advisors, it seemed as if they genuinely wanted to help. They were polite, disciplined, and headstrong as any good Templar could be. The only man Cullen was unsure about was Knight Commander Davin. While on the outside he made it appear he was only there to aid them after being booted by the Lord Seeker, he saw something else there. When the meeting was nearing its end, the man grew more impatient and short with his words. Like he didn't really want to be there but was tolerating it for the good that'd come from it later. Cullen saw this years ago in new Templar recruits who were actually just trying to kiss up to their superior. Whether this was the case with Davin, he couldn't say, but no matter what, the Herald was clearly in favor of them not being in Skyhold at all.

"We have plenty of good soldiers, you don't have to be here," she said. 

Davin softened his voice, "I know, but that's why we're offering. Corypheus is a threat to all of us. I'm ashamed I even came close to being one of his henchmen."

"Well, you can go fight him all you like then, just not for us."

Cullen intervened, "If they truly want to assist us, we should at least give them a chance. We could always do background checks, run tests to be sure they haven't touched Red Lyrium."

"Or is there a bigger reason you don't want us here, My Lady?" The Knight Commander put his hands behind his back, "Is this about the Circle? Because if I offended you or anyone there I assure you it was only because of my orders. Your Commander understands, surely."

Cullen wanted to nod but fought against it.

"It's nothing. Don't bother mentioning anything. We'll run the tests, do the checks. I just hope they find something that'll root you out," she shooed them away with a flick of her hand.

Davin nodded, "Ladies, Commander," and the rest of his men followed close behind as he left the war room.

The four then stood in awkward silence for who knows how long. Everything about the conversation felt so tense Cullen wasn't sure what to think now.

"I assume you two have a history?" Leliana joked, but the Inquisitor wasn't amused.

She shook her head, "More than any of you want to know."

"They seem cordial enough," Josephine reasoned, "like most Templars we've accepted thus far."

"Good fighters, as well. It's been difficult as of late to find Templars such as Davin who haven't gone mad," Cullen added.

The Herald wasn't convinced, "And I would've been fine with any other group of Templars, but it had to be him. Their sudden appearance is strange enough, let alone the circumstances surrounding it."

"Which I already have my people investigating. With all these precautions we're taking, it'd be difficult for any secret they have to be hidden for too long," said Leliana.

"That is the only reason I'm willing to let them stay right now."

 

    The Commander decided that something wasn't right. Why was the Inquisitor so unnerved by these men here? Cullen had never seen her unnerved by anything, and that worried him more than it probably should. A little while after the war meeting concluded, he went looking for her but ended up just standing outside his office, wondering where she'd be. It didn't take long for him to think of an answer.

The tavern.

To his surprise though, she wasn't there. As he glanced around, looking very lost, Bull approached. Cullen was still feeling a bit sour with the Qunari right now, so he greeted him in a way that definitely wasn't as polite as it could've been. Bull didn't have an answer to his question, however, which made him even more confused. 

After that, he figured he shouldn't bother. Maybe the Herald didn't necessarily want to be found right now. He headed up to the third floor of the tavern, passing by a strange looking boy with an equally strange hat as he opened the door to the battlements. Cullen didn't say anything to provoke conversation, but the boy spoke to him as if they'd been having one for the past twenty minutes.

"Her hands tremble and she hates it. Tingly feelings should go away, stay away. In a tower where it's safe. No one can see the fingers here."

He turned around, but saw the boy wasn't even looking at him or had even budged for that matter. There was something so familiar about him...

Then it struck him. He was talking about the Inquisitor. In a tower?

"W-what tower, exactly?" he asked.

"One near your office. She passed by it hoping you'd be there."

Something twitched inside Cullen at the thought. The plan he just made was quickly thrown out because obviously she had been looking for him at some point, if what this boy said was true. 

"You're certain? How do you know this, exactly?"

The boy was silent for a long time, "...I know," was all he said, though.

He wasn't sure if this was the best source for the Inquisitor's whereabouts, but decided it wouldn't hurt to see if he was correct.

 

    The tower's door was closed, so he placed his ear against it to listen for anything. 

When no sound came from the other side, Cullen debated whether he should open it or not. If she was in there, he didn't want to disturb her, and even though the boy said otherwise, he wasn't sure if he should take his word. Did she really want to see him? For work, most likely, yet he couldn't help but wonder if there was more...

Tentatively, he eased the door open.

Someone stood up on the other side before the door was even open all the way.

Cullen peeked his head around and saw it indeed was the Inquisitor, a little more disheveled than usual, and with her hands behind her back.

As she saw it was him, her expression softened, "Oh, hey. Did you need-"

"Is everything alright? I mean, I- no- I didn't mean to intrude-"

"It's fine, you're not... It's simply..." her eyes drifted to the floor and her hands still placed firmly on her back.

Cullen had the idea of what she wanted to do before she had the chance to continue. He wasn't entirely sure of the cause, but the way she stood up so quickly and how she was covering her shaking arms were tell-tale. It was something he'd been doing more and more lately as the withdrawal pains grew more painful and tiresome, "You wanted some time for yourself?"

She nodded, "I suppose I haven't gotten much of that, lately."

"Neither have I," he said, finally stepping inside all the way. He suddenly felt that he really shouldn't be here. The Herald just needs some time alone and not her Commander bothering her in the process.

"I can leave if I'm not helping."

"Oh, well. I was hoping we could talk. Considering I've been gone a while."

"About?" his lips threatened to pull off a grin. He didn't want her to know how relieved he was that she said that. 

"Not the Ostwick Circle or anything Templars related. Something else, for a change."

"Anything different?" he asked, and the smile she gave him could've lit up the entire room.

 

    Shortly after, they both were sitting on a plank of wood that wasn't very comfortable, but he couldn't care about that right now. Especially since once they did sit, the Inquisitor's hands weren't behind her back anymore, and very clearly shaking.

She saw that he noticed and quickly drew them back, "It's no big deal, there's a spell I can use to calm it down."

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but is it because of Davin and his men?"

She sighed, running her glowing hand over her fingertips. The mark pulsed with her magic and Cullen watched as the magic began it's work.

"Yes, but it's just bad memories. The circle wasn't exactly the happiest place on Earth. Davin is one of the reasons so."

Cullen nodded but didn't say anything more. He wasn't going to keep on if it agitated her.

"Is the withdrawal getting any better? I meant to ask you."

_No, not at all_

He couldn't let her know, however.

"A bit. It's a slow process..." he said instead.

"But all the worthwhile, I imagine."

_It will be... I hope it will be..._

It took everything for Cullen's own fingers to not start shaking.

As she spoke, he noticed the spells were working. Her fingers almost lay still now.

"If you don't mind my asking, I was never actually told why you decided to stop taking lyrium."

A topic he had hoped to avoid for the time being. Cullen wasn't quite sure if he was comfortable sharing all that much with her yet.

"After I left the order, it only seemed fitting that I stop."

"...That's it?"

"That's the jist, yes."

She took her attention from her hands, "I know that's not the whole truth."

_Great, was he that easy to read?_

"The rest isn't exactly easy to share."

The Herald looked like she was almost about to laugh. In confusion, maybe, based on her expression, but the thought didn't help him at all.

"Why? Templar life isn't exactly horrible."

"In Ostwick, maybe your Templar's had it better, but some are less fortunate than others."

Of course, even when you try not to bring up the Circle, it always seems to come into the conversation.

Her brows furrowed, "All I know is Davin should have nothing to complain about when it comes to the Circle."

"I doubt that," he countered.

"What?" she stood up and Cullen could see he must have offended her in some way.

He followed suit and stood after her, "All Templar's go through trials, even in the Circle. The failed harrowings, the demons."

"From what I saw, Davin seemed to fall upset when certain mages passed their harrowings."

"He must have known those mages didn't have the best intentions or the brightest minds. My point is, Templar's have it worse than I suppose you were taught, _if_ you were taught," he was getting angrier, and he hated it. It felt like he was arguing with Leliana.

"Yes because it's certainly all about them. The Templar's are the true victims here," her sarcasm felt like mocking, "Haven't you stopped to think about how they treated Mages in the Circles? Using the Rite of Tranquility left and right because there can't be a single ounce of insubordination, even if it's accidental?." 

"It was called taking necessary precaution."

"It's called striping someone from their identity forever!" she half yelled, "And don't think that's the only form of punishment they used. You've seen all kinds of mistreatment in Kirkwall, maybe even inflicted them. Maybe you're just like Davin."

She stormed from the room and you could've sworn a cloud of smoke was trailing behind her. Once the door slammed shut Cullen was left alone to process what in Maker's name just happened. He was glad she left then, however, because how far would they have gone? How can something go from a quiet moment to a political argument in less than a minute? He shouldn't be surprised, though. An Ex- Templar Commander and an Inquisitor who's a mage won't always connect. Cullen had thought about this before they even came to Skyhold, and now the reality of it has come to light in a way that's making him scared for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A title change is coming soon, btw. That one was a work in progress because I feel it's way too cliche and cringey.


	25. A Bad Memory

Leliana has investigated the background of Davin and his second in command. Nothing incriminating surfaced, and Dagna also ran a few tests which found no red lyrium in their system, only the regular."

More great news, because that's all she wanted to hear right now.

When Josephine called her over with news, Scarlett could only hope that Davin was rooted out and already out of Skyhold, although that was too good to be true.

She sighed, "So what now? They're going to stay?"

Josephine shrugged, "It appears so. You heard how he said he wanted to aid the Inquisition."

"Do you believe him?"

"I...don't know. Your uncertainty makes me feel a bit nervous."

Good. At least Scarlett knew her worries weren't going completely unnoticed.

"I don't want you to worry, Josephine. If those Templars are here for something other than to help the Inquisition, it's not you."

It looked like Josephine didn't know what she meant by that, but decided not to press the matter further.

"Leliana also wants to hear your side of the story about him. She's not the only one who's curious as to your suspicion." 

"That's a story I'm not going to tell her unless I have to or she bribes it out of me."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate the challenge," The ambassador said sarcastically, smiling at Scarlett as she left her to continue working.

 

   All she wanted to do now is crawl into a broom closet and hide for the rest of the day, rest of the week, if she could.

Things were going bad, to really bad, to even worse at a rate she wasn't sure she could take for much longer. Finding Davin in that cave was enough to ruin her for a while, but now she can't talk to Cullen because he probably hates her. The little talks they'd been having lately had been helping her take her mind off of things for a while. That's gone now. She threw it in the trash along with a few pieces of her sanity. Scarlett wasn't sure how many she had left, now that she knows Davin will be staying. Staying. In Skyhold. Less than a mile away from where she sleeps at night, passing by her every now and then to harass her about Maker knows what he'd think of. It felt like the Circle again. If it weren't for a rambunctious Qunari, clever Tevinter mage, and story-telling dwarf, it would've have almost been. 

Luckily, she felt content in simply doing her work, signing papers and writing reports in her quarters, away from most forms of real human contact.

It was early evening when she wrote her signature one final time, placing the paper into the large stack she'd made, ready to be distributed. Now she couldn't be distracted by work because there was no more work right now. 

Fuck, she needed a drink. Something that could maybe help her relax, maybe sleep even, considering the past few nights weren't very kind when it came to rest. The tavern it was.

 

    Two large drinks and a few drunken conversations with Bull and Sera, Scarlett felt kind of okay. As she stood at the bar and drank, Sera secretly put a copper in Bull's drink when he wasn't looking, and the idiot, too drunk to notice, gulped his whole drink down in one go, coin and all. He ended up gagging and choking, knocking everyone out of his way, wrecking half the tavern until Krem came and squeezed him until the coin shot out. Sera was dying of countless snorts and giggles on the floor while Scarlett found herself laughing at the incident also. 

"You could've killed him, Sera," she said.

Sera picked herself off of the ground, still snorting, "An' it would'a been hilarious! Death by copper!"

Krem returned Bull to his usual chair, which is when things finally started to die down again. 

No one even noticed the figure that entered the tavern shortly after, not until it put its hand in front of where Scarlett had her own on the bar.

"Inquisitor!? Lovely evening... isn't it?"

You have to escape, escape now. 

Scarlett maneuvered her way around him, "Lovelier without you, Davin, I'm sure."

He persisted, moving his body in front of her own, "Aw, you don't mean that. You don't have to be so rude, now do you?"

"I do mean that and I think you should get out of my way."

"Why? Weren't you having fun just moments ago?"

She looked around. No one was paying attention to them now, not even Bull or Sera. 

When Scarlett went to move again, he moved with her, preventing her from leaving. She did notice he was stumbling though, like he could barely gain a foothold on the sturdy ground. 

"Yes, but now you've spoiled it, so I'm ordering you to let me pass."

His eyes grew wider than the sky and then he started laughing. To be specific, going between laughing and hiccuping. 

"Order me? You think you're ordering me?"

"You addressed me as 'Inquisitor' less than thirty seconds ago, or did you forget?"

"Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, First to Senior Enchanter. All those titles that don't actually mean anything. You're still the same little girl I knew that came crying to every soul in the tower after Evrard Reiter t-"

Another Templar came through the door and looked to Davin, then Scarlett before taking Davin by the forearm.

"I apologize if he's bothered you, your Worship. We brought drinks to our quarters and he may have had a bit much."

As the man dragged him away, Davin couldn't help but get one more comment in,

"But we were having such a delightful conversation! Weren't we, my lady?"

Scarlett didn't answer, nor did she need to. The door shut behind them moments later. 

 

    She ordered one last drink and brought it up to her quarters where she drank until her coordination began to falter. After emptying the mug, she flopped onto her bed, not even bothering to change into her nightwear. All she wanted to do right then was pass out and forget. She almost did. her body and her eyes begged for it, but her mind continued to conjure the image of a fourteen year old girl, just barely having gotten used to the Circle, being frightened each and every day of what all these big and strong men in full armor were capable of. Even after she made a name for herself as a mage, becoming first to her Senior Enchanter, she still felt like some of the Templar's made an effort to assert their dominance. Maybe Davin was right. What are titles and ranks when you're terrified despite them? Does being the Inquisitor really protect her? 

To help her feel better, Scarlett made a list of each and every person that would come to her aid if something did happen.

Cassandra, Iron Bull, Varric, Dorian, Solas, Cole, Blackwall, Sera, Leliana, Vivienne even would and Josephine would try her hardest. Cullen...

Even if he did hate her, which Scarlett was still unsure of, he's so selfless he wouldn't waste a moment. It wouldn't matter who she was. Why did she have to say those things to him? He wasn't Davin. Cullen didn't pressure her or ridicule her like Davin. She had to say something. Tell him she's sorry. She didn't know if it was the drinks or her final thought that put her to sleep.


	26. In The Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst mostly, so be warned

The Inquisitor didn't show up at that morning's war table meeting. Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana stood there for a good fifteen minutes before Leliana dismissed the meeting, saying she'd reschedule later on in the day. 

He didn't say anything, but Cullen assumed at first it was because of him. She didn't want to see him right now, but that idea didn't sit right. It didn't make any sense considering they had a war room meeting earlier yesterday, just one day after their argument. He didn't tarry on the thought for long, but made it a plan to keep an eye out for her during the day.

 

Cullen took the shortcut to his office, through Solas's room, saying a quick hello before moving along. 

On his way out the last door, he nearly hit a man who was entering. It didn't take long for the hair, scar and templar uniform to hit his senses.

"Glad you missed that one, Commander," Davin laughed, "Be a sad tale to tell if you gave me a bloody nose with a door."

"Sad indeed..."

He could've sworn he seemed a little sluggish, "Are you well, Davin?"

The Templar shook his and coughed, "Just a bit off. May have had too much to drink last night."

"Ah, I understand. Well, I'll be seeing you."

Cullen tried to pass the man but only made just barely outside before he used himself as a barricade, keeping him from moving further.

"I've been meaning to chat with you, actually. Care if I speak for a moment about something?"

He did care. Right now he just wanted to go back to his work, but Cullen thought that if he said that, Davin probably wouldn't take no for an answer. 

"Alright, but be brief."

"I was only curious: I've heard a little rumor that you've quit taking lyrium."

_Why does everyone have to bring that up?_

"I... yes, I have."

"I'm not criticizing, truly. I commend you for making a decision like that. Must be rough, eh?"

_You don't know the half of it._

"It's one of the many trials I have faced since I left the Order."

"I only pray you power through it, Commander. You're a good man. Maker knows the Inquisition would be worse off without you."

Rather nice, Cullen would say. Especially for someone who's hungover.

"Thank you... I appreciate the thought."

Davin patted him on the shoulder with a warm smile stretched wide across his face, "Don't mention it. I'll be seeing you."

He walked into Solas's room, and on the other side of the door, he could hear the Templar giving the Mage a very friendly greeting also.

 

    Cullen started to move again, but something on the corner of his eye was bugging him. his eyes wandered downwards to the area where the surgeon worked and spotted her. The Inquisitor, arms crossed and giving him quite a suspicious look. When she realized he saw her she turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction, up the stairs towards the Tavern. She was probably even angrier now. Two days after their fight and he's having a conversation with the person that was the center of it. Terrific.

 

    His office was empty when he entered, thankfully. Now he could focus on what needed to be done. One report and a few signed papers later, though, there was a knock on the door. Before he got to ask who it was the Herald entered and shut the door behind her. She leaned back on it and took a deep breath. Cullen didn't speak first, for fear that she might explode. Instead, he dropped his pen and stared at her until she talked, "What were you and Davin discussing?"

_Choose your words carefully, Cullen._

Her tone wasn't angry or frightful, which he took as a good sign.

"He... asked me of my withdrawal."

"That's all?"

"He told me it was commendable, then left."

"And?"

"And that the Inquisition was better with me in it. That I was a good person. That's all."

She huffed again and began to pace about the room, "This confirms it now, shit."

"Confirms what?"

"He's kissing up to all of you," she ran her fingers through her hair, "Saying you're 'good people' and praising your decisions. I just spoke with Leliana. He's told her she's an immaculate spymaster and she was very brave for helping the Hero of Ferelden defeat the archdemon. Josephine said he told her she was beautiful and that any noble should be honored to make her acquaintance. He even found something nice to say about Dorian, and he's Tevinter."

"Inquisitor, I don't mean to impose, but," Cullen stood up slowly, "But perhaps Knight Commander Davin is simply trying to be polite, considering the circumstances."

"Or maybe he's manipulating you and you don't see it yet!"

"How are you certain?"

This felt just like the other day. He wanted to stop it but felt like she needed to have an open mind about all this. It's what he's tried so hard to accomplish these past months.

"Because I _know_  him, Cullen. I've seen how he influences and I've seen how he tries to deceive people."

"It's been years since then. Things could've have changed."

"He's not acting much different. It almost feels like the Circle again."

This really was their conversation resurfacing again. The Circle could never truly leave either of them, it seemed.

"If you want him out that bad you can say the word and he's gone. You're not powerless."

She paused, holding herself with slightly trembling arms. For a moment Cullen thought he might have said the wrong thing.

"I kick him out and he'll never truly leave me alone. I don't know exactly what he's trying to do but he's relentless, whatever it is."

_What in Maker's name could he have done to her before?_  

Cullen was so confused he didn't have anything else to add to support his idea. He couldn't convince her of anything. She was just as stubborn as he was. 

His voice was getting louder,"I don't understand what's happening. If you'd speak to Leliana she could help you figure out what to-"

"I can't talk to her about this!"

"Why? What is so bad about him that troubles you so much you can't talk to Leliana? If it's about Ostwick she can help," he was at the point of yelling like she was, but couldn't think enough to stop himself.

"If I go to her, or anyone I'll only be a little Circle mage begging again!"

Her voice wavered. The whites of her eyes were red like her hair now. He was afraid she might collapse on the ground crying.

She took a shaky breath, "None of them can help me now. If I ask anyone, this will be no better than Ostwick."

"The Inquisition can't be worse than the Circle?! What could he have done that makes you thi-"

"I was _raped_ in the Circle, Cullen!"

 

    Any other word he might have said was caught in his throat. The silence that dragged on was painful as he processed what she just told him. He couldn't look her in the eye he felt so terrible, drifting to the floor and back her face and eyes that were beginning to well with tears. His head was screaming at him to apologize but he couldn't get it out. She rolled her eyes and rubbed them with the back of her hand. 

"It doesn't matter. Maker knows if you even care, anyway."

She went to the door and Cullen tried to think of any way to stop her, to fix this, but his dreaded stuttering caught up with him,

"Sc-Scarlett, wait-"

_Slam._

She obviously wasn't aiming for discretion. Cullen slumped back in his chair, an empty feeling of disgust crawling through him. It suddenly all made sense. Her tenseness didn't come from pure paranoia. It had cause, and a damn good one at that. If Davin had actually... A sour taste filled his mouth at the very thought of the name. 

How would he fix this? There must be a way, but like hell does Cullen have any idea of what that way is. 

Suddenly, he realized something. It dragged at him for a moment but became clear almost as quick as the thought.

That was the first time he'd ever said her name. 

She wasn't just the Inquisitor or the Herald. Scarlett was her name that went from his lips so naturally he didn't even catch it at first. He could've imagined the first time being under more pleasant circumstances. This was not the situation he wanted it to be.


End file.
